Big city dreams for a small-city boy

{Bring me to life}
13 March 2003 @ 7:17 PM

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I decided that since I'm able to get throught right now and since I'm still not feeling too inspired over my essay, that I'll do another quick post.

This is such a kick as song:

Evanescence - Bring Me To Life

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

[Chorus:]
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside.
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark.
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run.
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone.
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become.

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this sight
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

[Chorus]

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

~A

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{Legal in all 50 states}
13 March 2003 @ 4:00 PM

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OMG! I am finally able to get through to my own diary and update! *Sighs* It's not like it's anyone's fault, I am very frustrated at not being able to put my thoughts of the moment down while they're still relevant.

But whatever, why be angered? Today's my 21st birthday. *Throws confetti* So yes, happy birthday to me indeed. Wow, it only seems like a year ago that I was comfortably writing about my 20th birthday from the comfort of my own computer in my own house. But eh, what can one do? One must only move forward in times of adversity.

Anyhoo, I am so off-subject here. A big hearty gracías to Miranda for her wonderful singing birthday-gram on my voicemail. I've had to listen to it about a hundred times to get it down correctly, but here's a modest little transcript:

Beta version:

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
I got cut off in traffic by an asshole, stupid f*cker...

Um yeah, as she was serenading my voicemail, a typical Tucson motorist c*ntwad cut her off. Never fear, she tried again! Here is the more happy and polished version:

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear fabulous, better-than-the-backside-of-water Aaron*
Happy birthday to you

I think it was somewhere in some Charlton Heston movie where they said, "Blessed is he whom his friends will do battle with a-holes in SUVs in the town with the two largest schools of higher learning in Arizona just to sing him birthday wishes on his cell phone." Or something like that.

Well, my day is only really beginning right now because I'm off of work and (hopefully if I finish an essay I have to email to my professor) Matt and I will be going out and hanging.

Ahh... the day and weekend are still young. And unfortunately, I'm NOT! I've said it every year and I'll continue to say it every year until I actually start aging backwards; I'M GETTING OLD! But at least I can now go to bars *evil smile*.

~A

*Inside Disneyland joke between Matt, Randix, Allison and I.

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{Karma khameleon}
11 March 2003 @ 4:17 PM

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I AM FORTUNE'S FOOL! *rain, dramatic music*

Okay, too melodramatic. But yes, just when I thought that karma had forgotten about little ol' me, it comes back with a big gesture of love to tell me that "yes, I can still see what you did." Well, apparently, Mina's (my car's) loan company has decided that they will threaten to put insurance on my car and raise my premium for some Alanis-knows-what reason. Um, excuse me, I already have insurance! It is a problem easily rectified however, but it's still something more that I shouldn't have to do that someone up there feels the contrary.

Also, last week I decided that I wasn't feeling up to going to my Writing class so I took it off. Well, as my luck would have it, the essay I was doing was due on one of those days. Now I have until Thursday to churn out something at least five pages long that has something remotely to do with Wilfred Owen's "Dulce et Decorum Est."

I sometimes like to think that when bad things happen it's just that I'm karmaticallly paying in advance for something stupid I'm invariably going to do in the future, but then I remember what it is I did to deserve it.

~A

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{Holy hell}
08 March 2003 @ 11:51 PM

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I'm so not proud of myself again. I've never stooped lower. But, on the mere suggestion from Matt, I called in to work last week and to make sure that the day was excused, I had to make it a berevement absence... Well, I take it back, I've done such a thing before, I had done it for the first time back in October so that I could go to Nightfall at Old Tucson. Well, this time I couldn't get off as easily. See, I don't have what one would call a "perfect attendance record" at work, so it's not surprising that my supervisors might seem wary. Anyway, what yours truly now has to do is bring proof of the funeral. I just printed out a flyer that I designed and am going to bring it in tomorrow.

Sigh... I am gonna catch such karmatic hell for this stunt. I am praying to the powers that be that I won't let myself do this again. And I'm hoping that Matt might not be so evil enough as to make me want to do it again either.

In the name of the father...

~A

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{Friday blah}
07 March 2003 @ 7:47 PM

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I am so not feeling like writing right now. I have a minimum seven page essay due soon for Writing class and I haven't even written a second draft. I am not feeling the divine inspiration right now. Then again, there are other things that aren't making it worth my trouble, like motivation from others.

Don't get me wrong, it's been a good day, but I'm just not feeling it today. Hopefully I'll be singing a different tune tomorrow.

mysterious
#41



What Dave Matthews Song Are You?
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~A

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{Gente retargada}
04 March 2003 @ 5:27 PM

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I am so seriously not in a good mood right now. Reason? The world is retarded! Firstly, I lost/misplaced/had my precious phone stolen this past weekend and have gone without since then. Well, today is the first day that I was available to go and get it done. And there are two things that I could’ve done without at that unpleasant experience. One, I didn’t see the cute yet unfortunately straight Jason working there today, and two, I could’ve basically been in and out of there in a matter of a MINUTE. So, when I got to the counter after waiting for almost an hour, I was told by the cute-but-made-ugly-by-his-“I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass-about-you”-attitude that I’d have to call this insurance company for it. Nextly, I get home and Matt is ready to get to his board meeting at SAAF. Before we exeunt, I call the 800 number on the insurance card that Mr. Here-now-go-away gave me at Sprint and I find that not only do I have to obtain a police report, but I have to pay a non-refundable $35 deductible to process my order only to have to wait for three days (at least) for them to send me a new one.

I also got a voicemail from my brother saying that our freaking insurance company is charging us $42 dollars for apparently not making a complete payment some vague time ago. They’re also threatening to take whomever is responsible to a collection agency to get said money. I’d just like to say that this is COMPLETE AND UTTER BS, even if it meant paying out the ass for it later in overdraft fees, I always sent in the exact amount. But can I argue that to some nameless, faceless person that doesn’t give a funk? No. So I am left choiceless in this matter and have to magically come up with the money.

Lastly, I saw this really infuriating Bush bumper sticker. Now, I’m so apolitical, yet I cannot help but draw ire from the sticker that says, “I stand with President George W. Bush.” Why do I hate it so? I’ll explain… one, I plainly don’t like bumper stickers that offend outright (ex: “The Rainbow is a symbol of God’s promise, not a lifestyle”), and two, yes, I would too stand by a bigoted, crack-addled, close-minded, gets-a-hard-on-from-going-to-war, Whoops-I-ran-into-a-lamppost, monkey-faced idiot. Grr! Some people!

I’m done.

~A

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{Seven Sins/Virtues Survey}
02 March 2003 @ 5:47 PM

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ANGER
1. Who did you last get angry with?

Can't remember.
2. What is your weapon of choice?
A long-staff or maybe bow and arrows... Oh wait! Magic!!!
3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
Right now, I say that I wouldn't, but one never knows, if rightfully provoked, I might let loose.
4. How about of the same sex?
I'll try to avoid it if at all possible, I mean chances are that they can kick me seven ways from Tuesday.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
I don't know, I think it might've been my mom.
6. What is your pet peeve?
Tucson traffic.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
I'll almost always forgive, but I still keep it down and try not to let it get in the way.

SLOTH
1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a long time?

Jeez, where do I start? Clean my room, do my homework, iron my clothes...
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?
I think I've slept all day once.
3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't:
Linda from Primerica.
4. What is the last lame excuse you made?
"I'd like to in to work today, but it's against my religion."
5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
I think so, sadly to say.
6. When was the last time you got a good workout in?
At retreat last week.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
Today? None.

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?
Starbucks' Venti Caramel Frappuchino.
2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat? Vegetarians: Vegan or no?
Veggie, with a weak spot for cheese.
3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?
Three wine coolers, a Smirnoff Ice and some Pear flavored drink.
4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?
No.
5. Do you have an issue with your weight?
Yes, but then who doesn't?
6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?
I like to put salsa/hot sauce on a lot of things, so there you go.
7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH!"?
No, only when an extremely cute guy walks by.

LUST
1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?

Three fully and several in various stages of incomplete undress (mostly breasts).
2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family?
I don't want to even try and recall.
3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?
I don't think a time has passed when I haven't.
4. Have you "done it"?
Define "done it."
5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?
Sexual regions aside, I like the stomach and legs and feet.
6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?
No, but I've been propositioned by someone I was doing outreach to.
7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?
Yes, for both.

GREED
1. How many credit cards do you own?

One.
2. What's your guilty pleasure store?
Losbetos, Peter Piper Pizza, and Borders.
3. If you had $10 million, what would you do with it?
I'd mom and grandmother a house and one for myself, get a new car and put the rest away in savings.
5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?
Tragically, yes.
6. Have you ever stolen anything?
Yes.
7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?
I used to have over 1000, but a virus destroyed all of my harddrive, so now I have none.

PRIDE
1. What one thing have you done that you're most proud of?

I've stayed along side sick friends and family members despite my own better needs, been the first of my family to go to college.
2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
See latter answer of above.
3. What thing would you like to accomplish in your life?
Have the body I've always desired and live in security with the one I truly love the most.
4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
There are worse places, but then again there is a better one too.
5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?
Yes.
6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?
Periodically.
7. What did you do today that you're proud of?
Nothing at all.

ENVY
1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?

A boyfriend.
2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?
Matt, TK, Miranda or Daniel because they have interesting tastes.
3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?
Andrew on Buffy! (That one's for you, Matt).
4. Have you ever been cheated on?
No.
5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?
Yes, my hair and my body.
6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?
Maybe a higher tolerance level.
7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?
Meh.
8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?
Greed.

Seven Heavenly Virtues

FAITH
1. What religion do you follow?

I guess I'm still Catholic, but I don't do much that would classify me as religious.
2. What religion were you raised as?
Roman Catholic.
3. Do you believe that forgiveness is a religious property, or a human property?
Forgiveness is forgiveness, label it how you want.
4. Do you believe in magic?
Yes.
5. What was the last promise you broke?
Can't remember.
6. Have you ever said the words to a prayer and not meant it?
No.
7. Do you believe that anyone could be perfect?
No, because perfection would imply godliness and if god was a person then that would mean *trails off in incoherent babble...* (Another one for you, Matt!)

HOPE
1. Did you get everything you wanted over the last holiday season?

I never do.
2. Regarding your future, what is the best thing you could hope for?
Success in career, life and love.
3. Do you let yourself get your hopes up for something even if you know that there is a large chance of failure?
If at the time I feel like it would help to do so.
4. Ha ha! There is no four! Only Zool!
5. Have you ever bought a lottery ticket? If so, how close did you come to winning?
I've never bought one, but I do buy those scratch-and-win ones and I only would win about $10.
6. Do you gamble? If so, what game or activity?
No.
7. Have you ever had something called off on account of bad weather, but then gone ahead and done it anyway?
Nope.

CHARITY
1. What causes do you support?

LGBT rights.
2. What causes have you given money or time to?
Can't remember a one... oh wait, I did give $20 to the Buy TK a New Bike Fund.
3. Have you ever worked in a soup kitchen or done another kind of outreach for the homeless?
No.
4. Would you ever consider joining the Peace Corps, Amnesty International, or another travel-inherent worldwide charity group?
Yes, if I had the time or if they paid well enough.
5. Do you give money to the homeless on the street?
Most of the time.
6. Have you ever helped out a friend with basic needs, like rent or food?
Yes.
7. What's the greatest extent you've gone to help a friend in need?
I've given lots of money to TK for various needs, I've driven for over an hour to take Matt home when he was sick, I've taken Camryn home who lives an hour away several times, I've given rides to various people on several occasions...

FORTITUDE
1. What are you most afraid of?

Loneliness, dying in that situation being most included.
2. What did you do today that was really brave?
Called in to work on a whim from Matt (it was more of a regrettable choice, really).
3. Who is your favorite superhero, and why?
Any one of the Sailor Senshi, because they stand for love and justice, etc. while fighting in mini-skirts and impossible heels.
4. Would you put your life in danger to rescue someone?
Yes, yes I would.
5. If you were to face the Wizard, would you want more courage, more brains, or more heart?
More heart.
6. Have you ever gotten stage fright? If so, when? If not, how do you avoid it?
Yes, most any time I'm speaking to a large crowd of people.
7. Do you consider yourself to be a leader or a follower?
Follower.

JUSTICE
1. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? Were you chosen?

No and no.
2. If they reinstituted the draft (for both genders), would you go, or would find some way out of it?
I'd aviod it, by running to Canada or Mexico (at least I know the languages).
3. Do you support capital punishment (the death penalty)?
I have no simple answer to that, so I'll say nothing.
4. Which should be guaranteed legal:
Appropriate punishment for someone who violates other's right to feel good.
5. Do you believe that Dubya is rightfully President of the USA?
Hells no!
6. What was your favorite media circus trial?
None of them.
7. Have you ever written a letter to a politician?
No.

TEMPERANCE
1. What do you have the hardest time moderating yourself on?

Dairy.
2. Do you collect anything?
CDs, Get Fuzzy comics, (most) anything in my shade of blue and anything pretty and/or shiny.
3. Are you addicted to anything?
The veggie burritos from Losbetos.
4. Have you ever put anything on layaway or used an installment plan?
Nope.
5. What's your preferred method of paying for things?
Debit.
6. Tell us one thing you wish you hadn't let yourself do:
Most any impulse buy I make.
7. Do you feel that you obsess over things?
Things, not so much; people, yes!

PRUDENCE
1. Who is the wisest person you know?

My grandmother.
2. Have you ever participated in a vigil?
Yes.
3. Do you take advice when it's given?
Depends.
4. What area are you wisest in?
Other people's feelings, I like to think that I give people advice on how to go about a certain situation.
5. Do you drive defensively?
If I'm not in a hurry.
6. Have you ever had unprotected sex outside of marriage? Would you ever?
What a heterosexist question. But for the record, I would never engage in unprotected sex.
7. What did you learn today?
Nothing yet.
8. And of course, what is your favorite heavenly virtue?
Charity or Temperance.

~A

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{Avril and Coldplay and Jimmy Eat World, oh my!}
02 March 2003 @ 2:38 PM

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I'd like to talk about this strange power I possess. It has to do with music and my precognitive powers on it. This is sort of a two-part thing so I'll break it down for you.

My three most favorite groups right now are (in this order): Coldplay, Avril Lavigne and Jimmy Eat World. I've had all three of their albums when they were still fairly new, so i've gotten a chance to listen upcoming new stuff before mainstream radio bastardizes the hell out of them. Well, for Jimmy Eat World (whose album I bought first of the three), I loved "A Praise Chorus" as soon as I first heard it. A month or so later, it's the next single after "Sweetness." Coldplay is kinda similar, I've never liked a song so much as when I first heard "Clocks" and "The Scientist," now the former has been released as a single as of recent and I've seen a video for "Scientist," though I don't know if it's a single elsewhere or not. The same goes for Avril. "I'm With You" is her best work on her album and it would figure very much that Top-40 radio and MTV would snap it up too.

Point is, that I seem to have an unspoken say on what is deemable to be released to the mainstream. Either that or I just have a really poppy taste in songs.

Next part also has to do with Ms. Lavigne. I believe to have the Avril Gift/Curse (depending on how one feels about her), in that I cannot go one instance driving in my car listening to the radio that "I'm With You" does not come on. Matt can attest to this, seeing as he's in the car most of the time with me. It's not something that I mind really, but it's just so strikingly odd that I can't help but tell about it.

And I know that my taste in music is not others' and that you have your opinions on my favorite groups, and I respect that. Just thought I'd share it all with you.

~A

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{Purpley goodness}
28 February 2003 @ 9:54 PM

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HASH(0x86d63ec)
The Purple Crayon



Are You The Brightest Crayon In The Crayon Box?
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~A

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{Andrew: The Slayer of VamPIRES}
28 February 2003 @ 9:20 PM

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Yeah, I know, I changed the template pretty fast. So fast that I'm sure that no one saw the generic dark blue d-land one. This one'll do until I can get Morgan to help me design a way spiffy and completely personalized one. So, being as this is a weblog-style entry, I'll go ahead and post multiply on here to my heart's content...

While this topic is still semi-relevant, I'll talk about my love for the newest character of interest on Buffy the Slayer of VamPIRES is yes, Andrew. *Swoon* He's so adorable! I love him and he's such a tortured hottie! I first saw him when I started watching BTVS last year. I've been bad though, I only have been watching a very random episode here and there this season. I was luckily enough to catch the very awesome one this past Tuesday.

Such provokative thoughts were spawned the days following that key episode. I have come to realize that the man I want to call my own is not at all like had previously imagined. He would be exactly like Andrew; kinda flamy, somewhat innocent and tortured, an offbeat sense of humor and a certain je ne sais quois too. Blonde hair a plus, but not a requirement.

*Sigh* I'm gonna make sure that I continue watching this season.

~A

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{Invernal}
28 February 2003 @ 4:24 PM

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So, birth is finally given to the brand-new and hopefully-soon-to-be-improved diary of the man, the myth, the slightly tragic person that is Aaron (aka: Invernal, Mizuno and "Who??"). It's so great isn't it? I still have some things to unpack in this new space, but this is it, it's all me and I can continue to write freely about whenever, whatever, and whomever I want to..! That is, without offending anyone of course.

But yeah... inagural entry *Does the ASL sign for "YAY"*

~A

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{where do i start?}
i am... a dancer and a dreamer, latino, gay, a singer, a poet, an artist, a son, a brother, no one's lover, way too obsessed with sailor moon for my own good, a romantic, temporarily unemployed, and too much more to list here

{emotional me}
The current mood of invernal at www.imood.com

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Sailor Jupiter: who? Sailor Mercury: once was lost, now a geek Sailor Mars: Venus' girltoy Sailor Venus: Mars' daddy

{cool-style}
i was always blue-green cuz we are living in a material world...
« # Gay Diary ? »
Haruka to Michiru kirei
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