Big city dreams for a small-city boy

{Fri5 - 27 Sept. '03}
27 September 2003 @ 5:21 AM

BGM: "Creep" by Radiohead
Wanting: zzz
Wearing: plain ol' white tee (can't tell brand), khaki work pants

I'm dog tired. I've been doing some diary admin. work for hours now and I think I'm about ready to gouge my eyes out. Anyway, here's another Friday Five, it's an oldie (and this week's questions are so appropriate):

{From 28 Sept. '01}

1. Laying on your back and facing the ceiling, which side of the bed do you sleep on?
It depends, some of the times I can get to sleep on my side, but mostly I sleep on my stomach, facing the wall with my right arm wrapped around a pillow and my left under the one that I have my head on.

2. Do you have to have covers (blankets and/or sheets) at all costs, no matter the weather?
Yes, thick comforters and whatnot during cold times, and just a light sheet during the summer.

3. Sleep nekkid or no? Why?
I have a couple of times, but I hardly ever do. I can't concentrate on sleeping if I'm not wearing at least some underwear.

4. What's under your bed?
Shoeboxes full of old drawings and colored pencils. A few bags from Old Navy and lots of dust.

5. If you have pets, do you let them sleep with you? Why or why not?
I have a poodle named Joey back at my grandma's house (which I'm returning to within the week), but I do not let him sleep with me. It just makes a lot of hygenical sense for them not to.

¡Buenas noches...! Wait, look at the time, um, ¡buenos días! I'm goin' to sleep!

~A (I thought I was special)

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{Home, where I wanted to go}
26 September 2003 @ 1:38 AM

BGM: "Broken Wings" by Mr. Mister
Wanting: everything and nothing at once
Wearing: white Hanes wifebeater, grey Hanes boxer-briefs

As I enter this in, the sweetness of a water-scented insense stick burns and wafts slowly throught this vast, empty house. All the while, the sole occupant I am alternating between a few other tasks. I'm putting away a pile of clean clothes that was taking up a corner of my bedroom. The otherwise quiet house is softly brought to life by the sounds of my "Easy Listening" mix playing on the Media Player. From Coldplay, to Don Henley to The Cars, each song ringing with a little more sadness and emotion than it would normally seem to carry. Oh yes, and I am also engaging in some light packing.

*Sighs* Yeah, the time has come to say fair's fair and to get the heck out of Cathy's house and go back to somewhere I feel more like I belong. It's time for me to put this failed attempt at "living on my own" and go back to where I came. My work there is not done yet, I am still needed.

The call to duty came earlier tonight as I was researching suitable options for my impending name change. Mom was the messenger. I pretended to not know the news from grandma's house, though I'm not quite sure why. Anyway, Mom's plea for me to return wasn't all that flustering to hear, for I had thought it would be a better recourse in the long run. I think I was vocally okay with it, logistically, it made a lot of sense. But on the inside, I felt like the metaphorical anchor chained to my foot was pulled taut.

It is saddening for me to think that I entered this household with such an enthusiastic outlook and with high-hopes that this would be a stepping-stone to the bigger world out there and I now leave quietly, talking to no one that will listen about my business and just letting it all transpire without so much as a previous mentioning. Nevertheless, I think that in the end it will all turn out alright. I am a big believer in fate and I know that everything happens for a reason and is to serve some sort of greater good. Nothing is achieved without sacrifice, regardless of the measure.

My ray of hope however, comes in the form of a Winter's trip to Seattle to visit dearest Alex. I have almost everything planned out in my head, I will go there some time after Christmas and spend New Year's up there. The characteristically-Aaron thing about this is that it just suddenly came to me during the week. I had been mired in internal anguish about the increasingly sick feeling living here has been making me feel and how I so wanted to indulge my innermost fantasy of blasting off somewhere beautiful. It was then that I realized that that's where my heart's telling me my dreams lie.

So it is with the return trip this holiday season that I hope to acquaint myself with the Emerald City and see if I can find my niche.

The only problem is that the shortcut is closed for construction. I'll have to take the long road through Grandma's house and whatever unforseeable Tucson-centric impediments lie ahead.

Until then, I think that for the sake of keeping me safe from disillusion, despair, and most importantly myself, I will have to be in the good company of my loved ones and friends...

SO THIS IS A CALL TO ALL OF YOU OUT THERE; LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE WITH ME AND THAT YOU CARE...!

Oh, and if you're within reasonable distance, if you would like to come and help me pack, you are more than welcome and it would be greatly apprecaited too!

~A (Learn to fly again, learn to live so free)

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{I'm only happy when it rains*}
24 September 2003 @ 11:32 PM

BGM: "In The End" by Linkin Park
Wanting: the rain to come back!
Wearing: white Hanes v-neck tee, black Hanes boxer-briefs

*(I know it's trite, but it's true)

It has been confirmed, at about approximately between the hours of sunset and now, the rains have officially stopped. There is currently an investigation into as why this has happened, but sources have yet been unable to solve this mystery.

So yeah, today was the only day I can consciously recall when it rained all day. It was sublime. I really hope that they're just taking a break before they start up again tomorrow, because if it's clear by the time the sun rises (Alanis forbid), it's gonna be one humid monkey out there.

It would also be good for my energy levels. In spite of the ongoing gentle downpour today, I still crashed at the latter point of my shift at work. So I'm praying to the gods that I can get some of good the stuff by the time I awaken. It's doubtful, but at least it was oh-so-good while it lasted.

~A (Like I'm outside in the rain)

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{Nyow}
24 September 2003 @ 11:24 AM

BGM: "Eyes Without a Face" by Billy Idol
Wanting: a kitty with bat wings!
Wearing: same as before, now w/grey ON cargo pants

Kitty with bat wings! Kawaii!

Okay, NOW I'm off to work.

~A (Some people play tennis, I erode the human soul) Tycho Brahe (Penny Arcade!)

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{Now if only there was a Starbucks on the corner of my street...}
24 September 2003 @ 10:28 AM

BGM: "In Bloom" by Nirvana
Wanting: nothing more; everything's nigh perfect!
Wearing: white ON tee w/blue stripes, black Hanes boxer-briefs

Hallelujah! I've died and gone to Seattle! Mmm... my undisputed favorite days are when I awaken to find it not only overcast, but raining. It's only Wednesday and I may jinx it by saying so, but this has been the best week I've had in a long time.

You know what would make this even more perfect? If I didn't have to go to work and just sit inside all day in my underwear, watching Sailor Moon and eating some extremely low-fat soy ice cream. That is heaven a wrapped up in a pretty pink bow.

See? Even my horoscope says today's a day to blow off work for something better:

Your Daily Horoscope for September 24, 2003

Dear INVERNAL,
You could enjoy doing some traveling, INVERNAL. Maybe you will make some short trips to visit family members. Or you might even spend the day out of town with your romantic partner. You could enjoy sneaking off to a nearby city and soaking up the ambiance of the unfamiliar surroundings. You have a nice lunch somewhere or spend some time in a street cafe looking at the people passing by.

Well, I gotta get ready for work, but I think that it'll be all good. *Knocks on wood, just in case*

~A (And he likes the pretty songs)

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{For Dorian}
24 September 2003 @ 1:18 AM

BGM: "Mysterious Ways" by U2
Wanting: more rain!
Wearing: two-tone red ON t-shirt, tan WF1 pants

Today was such a really good day! After goofing around with Fox and Dorian last night up until about 1:00AM, I somehow managed to awaken this morning at 7:00 to get into work at 8:00. Normally when I take on such a feat, everyone I encounter just ends up at the receiving end of my wrath. But aside from one bad call from a true-blooded Anal-American (read: @$$hole) early on, after that everything went by so beautifully.

I think it the weather has some great deal to do with it. If I recall correctly, Hurricane Marty (sp?) is coming up from Baja Cali and is bringing some storms with it. Anyway, today the sky was blanketed in a greyness and drizzle that can only be found normally in the Pacific Northwest. Given my fondness for such atmospheric conditions, I was more than a little enchanted by that. During each break at work, every time I stepped outside, I felt rejuvinated and completely at ease with everything. I guess that's why I feel like I belong in such Pac-NW cities.

Anyway, tonight after getting home and after getting a super well-deserved nap for about three hours, Dorian calls up for a mutual study session (read: the others do homework while I draw and whatnot, occasional conversations to be had, etc), which is more than fine by me because I live for others' company. So I call Steve and see if he's up for some hangage. Unfortunately, I don't get a call-back, and Ruben and Fox flaked out so, it would be just the two of us.

Not that that was a bad thing at all. We were originally going to get our study on at the Starbucks on University, but that was too full-up and even the line for coffee wasn't worth it (GASP!), so we away to a completely new exciting place: the Silver Mine Sub Shop on the corner of University and some other street!

So we purchase stuff to assure our being allowed to stay there and get crankin'. Conversation flows pretty easily between the two of us, which I think I might have to give credit to the fact that we were trying to keep from hearing alternations between Loveline and repetitive pop "offerings" blaring from the radio over the restaurant's speakers. But I think that a lot that was talked about was awesome. We chatted about everything from Euro Disneyland, to my seemingly gradual appreciation for vampires, to name changes (which I think I've finally decided upon, I'll post it when I'm absolutely sure, but I'll give you a hint, my initials would most likely be JXM), and to the sad state that EON (formerly QueerVoice) became once it's heart-and-soul Ruben was let go.

After that, we decide that we've had enough of Christina Aguilera and Dirrty South alumnis, we decide to get in some excercise in the semi-humid, post rainy-day air. As we made our way through the somewhat empty streets of the Tuesday night University area.

Conversation continued quite naturally between us. We spoke of everything ranging from her aiding me in finding residency and work in my metropolis of choice, to our respective childhoods and figure skating.

It was totally awesome. We got as far as being right across the street from Maloney's on 4th Avenue (right before the underpass) when this freaky dude came up and asked us if we were alright. He was way freaky-looking. It was then that Dorian and I made our way back to the University.

At the parking garage, we said our good-evenings and departed. Not before, however observing how it was a pretty cool/fun/productive night. We also made a deal to go out and search for a decent fairly-priced gym to go apply for a membership so that we can both go to and keep each other interested.

On the way home, I was listening to the radio, and U2's "Mysterious Ways" came on. I should note that this was my first song that turned me on to U2 and therefore was my first favorite of theirs. It still holds a precious spot in my heart, and now that I know someone else that's just a big a fan of them as I am (Dorian, actually moreso than I), it has an added special meaning to it. So to Dorian, whom I connected with on a way that I haven't connected since Matt (before I moved in with him), I dedicate this song, and hoping to Alanis that it doesn't have any underlying romantic meaning, because that's not really what I'm going for.

Johnny take a walk with your sister the moon
Let her pale light in to fill up your room
You've been living underground
Eating from a can
You've been running away
From what you don't understand...
Love

She's slippy
You're sliding down
She'll be there when you hit the ground

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways

Johnny take a dive with your sister in the rain
Let her talk about the things you can't explain
To touch is to heal
To hurt is to steal
If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel

(On your knees boy)

She's the wave
She turns the tide
She sees the man inside the child

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
Lift my days, light up my nights

One day you will look...back
And you'll see...where
You were held...how
By this love...while
You could stand...there
You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright
She moves in mysterious ways
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright

We move through miracle days
Spirit moves in mysterious ways
She moves with it
She moves with it
Lift my days, light up my nights

-U2 "Mysterious Ways"

~A (Let her talk about the things you can't explain)

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{Regress to 12}
23 September 2003 @ 8:27 PM

BGM: various Christmas songs
Wanting: ungaguable
Wearing: maroon ON polo-style shirt w/white & grey stripes, tan WF1 pants

This is courtesty of the AOLer Translator that Jono had posted. It's my understanding that this translates your intelligent writing into incoherent teenie-babble. Let me just say that I've never sounded more intentionally annoying as I did when I reread this (this is my previous entry, translated):

I HAD A REVELATION OF SORTS 2NIGHT!!1!1 OMG LOL AFTER SOM3 BLOD LOS AND TEH BTAR PART OF FIEV MINUTAS I FINALY GOT A BLU3 HOP AARNG IN2 MAH CARTIELDG3 PEIRCNG (COMPLET3 WIT ITS OWN SHINY DISCO BAL) AND L3T ME JUST SAY IT LOKS FAN-FRIGIN-TASTIC!!!!!!1 OMG LOL NOW IL ONLY HAEV 2 LEAEV THIS IN FOR ABOUT A MONTH OR SO UNTIL IT HEALS UP AL NIEC AND GOD-LIEK BFORE I GET A SMAL3R HOP1111 WTF LOL

ANYWAY AS I WR3STLED WIT MYSALF (2 G3T TEH 3ARNG IN) I CM3 2 TEH CONCLUSION TAHT DA INSERTION OF TEH HOP 3ARNG IN2 TEH BLODY UNYAILDNG PEIRCNG IS A MATAPHOR FOR MAH OWN LIEF1!!!1!1! OMG MIEN IS AN EXISTANC3 OF PANE BFORA PLAASUR3 SOROW BFORE JOY BATL3FEILD BFORA LOVA AND SO ON11!111!! OMG WTF LOL DA HAPIENS TAHT THIS GRASHOP3R SEKS IS STRAGEHT AEHAD.1!111!1!!!1!!!!!!1 OMG LOL JUST AFTER A MIEN FEILD FILED WIT CREPY CRAWLY BUGS (MOSTLY COKROACH3S *SHUDERS*) VACUOUS SIMPS NM3D KELI UNEXPECTAD BILS AND 2NS UPON 2NS OF IMPULSA-BOUGHT IETMS!!11!! WTF LOL IM SIMPLY JUST PAYNG KARMA BAK IN ADVANCE FOR STUPID STUF TAHT IL INVARIABLY DO IN TEH FUTURE

Y3AH!1111!1 JUST ANOTHER DMN ARON G3T 2 BD ALREADY1!1!11 OMG WTF LOL LAET NIGHT THOUGHT

A11111 OMG WTF (AND ITS OVAR)

.

{Earring = Aaron}
22 September 2003 @ 1:54 AM

BGM: "Take the L" by The Motels
Wanting: lots of sweet, delicious sleep
Wearing: same as earlier

I had a revelation of sorts tonight. After some blood loss and the better part of five minutes, I finally got a blue hoop earring into my cartiledge piercing (complete with it's own shiny disco ball), and let me just say, it looks fan-friggin'-tastic. Now, I'll only have to leave this in for about a month or so until it heals up all nice and good-like before I get a smaller hoop.

Anyway, as I wrestled with myself (to get the earring in), I came to the conclusion that the insertion of the hoop earring into the bloody unyeilding piercing is a metaphor for my own life. Mine is an existance of pain before pleasure, sorrow before joy, battlefield before love, and so on. The happiness that this grasshopper seeks is straight ahead... just after a mine field filled with creepy, crawly bugs (mostly cockroaches *shudders*), vacuous simps named Kelli, unexpected bills, and tons upon tons of impulse-bought items. I am simply just paying karma back in advance for stupid stuff that I'll invariably do in the future.

Yeah, just another "Damn, Aaron get to bed already!" Late Night Thought.

~A (And its over)

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{I just might...}
21 September 2003 @ 1:21 PM

BGM: "The Remedy" by Jason Mraz
Wanting: to be allowed to be impulsive
Wearing: dark blue ON tribal tattoo shirt, aqua FTL boxer-briefs

Hm... It seems like there's another impediment on the interstate of my life. I've gotten the news that my uncle Richard, who currently lives with my grandmother, my uncle Adrian and Ivan, has gotten himself into some law-typed trouble. Well, he's the main financial provider for that household, given that my grandmother's a little too old to work, Adrian is stingy with his money and Ivan doesn't make much to do any good. Because of that, Mom thinks it would be best for the family for Ivan and I to not move out and to stay at home and help out.

Now that in itself is a problem. But there was another even that occured a few days ago that until I heard the aforementioned stuff gave me some hope.

So my on-going battle with the higher-ups at Info has driven me all but insane. During the week, I had clocked back in from lunch a minute late. Now, it was ONLY a minute, but according to them, a late's a late. That would be putting me on a final warning, meaning that I'd have to be on IMMACULATE behavior for 90 days. That simply does not fly with me; having that loom over me like that. So I told John about it to see if he could help a brotha' out. He said he'd see what he can do, while I am left to sweat it out.

On Thursday though, I thought that I'd be hearing something from evil from Linda for sure. As I awaited for that to come (or the end of the shift, whichever came first), I suddenly had a really calming and assuring thought.

So what is the worst that can happen to me if I get fired? Well, I won't be able to pay my bills like my car, insurance, or my cell phone. Big deal. If such a thing was to happen to me anyway, I would actually be free of all financial commitments and I could be free to just up and leave for Seattle or something and start life anew up there. I would be so awesome too, cuz then I could legally change my name and then I could do whatever I wanted and it's like the Aaron from Tucson never existed...

And so on.

Yeah, though it did occur to me that lest I enter the Emerald City and trouble Alex for a place to stay, I'd probably immediately be homeless. Still, that didn't do much to tarnish my dream.

So here I sit, unsure of my fate. Not knowing if I will indeed ever get a chance to fulfill my most cherished dreams. Or how long my tenure with Info will really be.

It's almost exciting, actually.

~A (I won't worry my life away)

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{where do i start?}
i am... a dancer and a dreamer, latino, gay, a singer, a poet, an artist, a son, a brother, no one's lover, way too obsessed with sailor moon for my own good, a romantic, temporarily unemployed, and too much more to list here

{emotional me}
The current mood of invernal at www.imood.com

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Sailor Luna: Chibi-usa, reenvisioned Sailor Moon: at least this gif has the ponytails hanging properly; BEHIND her Tuxedo Kamen: aka - T3H M45K3D MULL37
Sailor Jupiter: who? Sailor Mercury: once was lost, now a geek Sailor Mars: Venus' girltoy Sailor Venus: Mars' daddy

{cool-style}
i was always blue-green cuz we are living in a material world...
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