Big city dreams for a small-city boy

{I need some chocolate...}
01 November 2003 @ 2:20 AM

BGM: "It's My Life" by No Doubt
Wanting: chocolate and sleep, in that order
Wearing: white Hanes v-neck, midnight blue Stanford boxer-briefs

I just realized something. On the personality disorder quiz I took a few days ago (a few entries down), I got equally high on Avoidant and Dependant. Apparently it's not impossible to be so, but aren't they like, two completely seperate things?

Anyway, just a before-bed thought. Yeah, one can judge by the time of this that my Samhain wasn't all that was cracked up to be. But I still did something. I'll just write about it when I'm not ready to keel over.

Oh, and by the way, Adrian has his demons stayint the night here... ugh.

~A (It never ends)

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{Tempe, Scottsdale and MESA??}
31 October 2003 @ 5:17 PM

BGM: "A Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World
Wanting: to party!
Wearing: white, short-sleeved Oxford button-up shirt, blue plaid pants, black necktie (my costume)

Unholy crap... my uncle is bringing his hellhound daughters over tonight AND for the weekend! I need to vamoose from here post haste. Before I do though, last night's trip to Tempe/Scottsdale was rockin'. It almost didn't happen because Fox, Steve, Matt AND Ruben all couldn't make it, so it would just be Dorian and I. Up until I got off from work yesterday, I had convinced myself that I wasn't going to go, because I had the boneheaded thought that we needed more people for it to be exciting.

So, Dorian and I arrive in Tempe rather late, as we had waited until about 7:30 for Ruben, which by the way, was in vain. Once we arrived in the grand capital of this so-so state, I somehow had the extremely good fortune of getting us from the I-10, to the 60 (sp?) to University, which led us right to the heart of Tempe. It was so weird, because I've never really driven on the interstate in the Phoenix Metro area, let alone made my way over to it without consulting a map!

Once there, Dorian and I were a bit hungry and there was a shortage of Virgins around - oh, did I mention that we were both dressed up as Vampires? Well, me not as much as her, but yeah, we were Vampires - so we went to My Big Fat Greek Restaurant on Mill. Their veggie burritos are excellent!

Nextly, we decided to walk dinner off a bit before attempting to partake in the 21 and under nightlife of Central Arizona. Sadly, our only options were Club Rio, which we couldn't find; Club Level, same story; Boom, which was only open on weekends and The Buzz, which was up in Scottsdale. So it wasn't due to a lack of options, it was just our wretched luck that we decide to come when we can't go party at the only one for sure gay dance bar in Phoenix.

After we left Tempe, we tried to get to Scottsdale Rd., because The Buzz is on the corner of there and Shea. After going in the wrong direction, we stopped at a gas station and Dorian asked for directions. Once we found our way (we took McDowell east), we found Arizona's only dance station on the radio and grooved like epileptic fools on the way over.

Scottsdale was such a shock. I knew that it was all uppity and had an atmosphere of pretention thicker than the San Fernando Valley's, but I didn't really expect it to be so damn nice looking! All the way up Scottsdale Rd., there were really awesome shops, resorts and I even got to see the world-famous Fashion Square Mall! If only I could've gone in, I would've been so damn happy.

Anyway, we had quite a time trying to find the frickin' Buzz. It was so inconspicuously tucked into an otherwise little no-name plaza. Though we were fortunate enough to find it be an all-ages club, there was virtually no one there! Dorian likened it to The Bronze in Buffy. I thought it needed more teenagers and maybe even some Vampires incognito. It wasn't a complete was though. There was entertainment in the form of this local band called faT-N-Tan. They were pretty cool. I concluded that their sound was something of a mix between Green Day and Sublime.

I wanted to beat the after-hours rush, so we left at 12:30 with the intent of finding a way back onto the I-10 east from Scottsdale. And, I, with the year-plus' experience in looking at a map of the Phoenix Valley (at work), thought that I could do so. And, I kinda did. I did good in finding the 101 Highway, and I did also get us going in the right direction, but once we got to the 202 junction, I took it the wrong way and we I saw that we were on the way to Payson, which is way the fudge out east.

So, I got off somewhere on Country Club, so we could ask for directions again. That street of course, being in Mesa, the home of Jimmy Eat World and he-who-will-not-be-named (the guy who broke my heart last year).

Luckily, at the gas station where we stopped, there was already a guy and his female travel companion who were already asking for help on essentially getting the funk out of there! So, I skip up there, in my renegade Catholic Schoolboy uniform, and as the said first direction-seekers were on their merry way, I ask them "OOH! Are you handing out directions?" To which the somewhat unnerving group of Native women (three of them) gave me a "another damned tourist" laugh. I didn't care. I didn't want to advertise that we unsavory Tucsonans were trying to find our way home, so I told her that we were trying to get to the I-10 East so that we could get the 8 to go to San Diego. Pretty smooth, huh?

Anyway, whether she bought it or not, she helped us get back on our mirthful way and we were soon on the 60, about to junction to the 10 to take us back to the hellfires of Tucson.

After everything has settled, I thought that the outing was really awesome and I am so thankful that I didn't back out of it at the last minute like I had thought I'd have to because of lack of participation. I'm really satisfied in the fact that Dorian and I can spent so much time just by ourselves and enjoy it. Our next P-to-the-H-to-the-X outing is already well on it's way in preproduction.

Now, I must away on my vacuum (my broom's in the shop) and do something witchy on this Hallow's Eve! Which I hope to get pictures for and finally debut my digital mug for all the world to shriek and reel in horror! Yeah!

~A (Kick start my rockin' rollin' heart)

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{Next update will be more worth reading, I swear}
31 October 2003 @ 11:31 AM

BGM: "Flowers of the Wall" by Eric Heatherly
Wanting: actually, I'd love some money right now
Wearing: white Hanes v-neck, grey Hanes boxer-briefs

I fully intend on regaling you with my adventures in Phoenix's east valley, but I have to shower, get back into costume, run and spin around like a maniac and then I have to run several errands. So, I hope to get that up before I write about Halloween itself and the Day of the Dead (tomorrow). Ta!

~A

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{Guess where I went?}
31 October 2003 @ 2:56 AM

BGM: "Moonlight Destiny" from Sailor Moon S Movie Ending
Wanting: sleep!
Wearing: white, short-sleeved Oxford button-up shirt, grey Hanes boxer-briefs

I'm just getting in from a night of livin' it up in Tempe and Scottsdale. Thought it was a kick-arse night, sleep right now is a much higher priority. TTFN.

~A

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{Vam-PYRS}
29 October 2003 @ 1:23 AM

BGM: "Girl's Not Grey" by AFI
Wanting: more
Wearing: same as earlier, only with grey Hanes boxer-briefs replacing the pants

Well, the period of wanting to kill everyone buy my grandmother has passed. It's rather a shame too, because I spent a good half-an-hour typing non-stop about how everything I do being mostly because of her. Oh well, it'll have to wait until such a time when I'm feeling the same way as I did earlier.

The reason to my mood change actually comes in no small part to my ever-increasing fondness of being with Dorian. Though, I couldn't be around much a few days ago when her poor kitty's life had to be extinguished, I'm trying to be the best friend I can to her. The more we talk about, the more there seem to be things that I feel we can relate to. For instance, it is because of her that my interest in things related to Vampires keeps growing.

Actually, we had a long conversation after our increasingly-usual (but still a kick-ass way to spend an otherwise quiet evening) Buffy on DVD. It involved Vampires, their existence and even a yearn to find a real-life one and maybe even be converted. It was a really deep conversation, I thorougly enjoyed it. It's the type of conversations that I used to have with others that hasn't happened in quite a while that I think I've been unknowingly craving.

I also love it because if nothing else, we can both wallow in the misery of lacking some much needed physical contact with members of the same sex. Sigh... is there nothing more debilitating that a yearning for love (and maybe to a lesser extent, sex)?

And here's somethings that I read on the Sailor Senshi Dumb Rumors Page that I thought were too hilarious not to share:

"At one point, Sailor Saturn's body was inhabbited by an evil demon named Mistriss 9 whose only purpose was to bring silence to the world." Inspired by Rebo: "Be very, very quiet... Don't wanna disturb Mistress 9's beauty slee-" "YOU'RE DEAD!" "Oh cr-" ***BOOM!*** "...."

Sailor Moon has an attack called "Rainbow Moon Heartquake!" Nuh uh! It's "Super Duper Sailor Moon Smoochy Smoochy Kissy Wuggle XOXOXOXOX Super Heart Crystal Innocence KISS!"

~A (I lay me down tonight)

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{I am but one small instrument}
28 October 2003 @ 7:18 PM

BGM: "Save Me" by Remy Zero
Wanting: out
Wearing: maroon ON polo-style shirt, grey work slacks

*Sigh* I cannot stand to live here anymore. Most of it is due to the lack of cohesiveness in this household.

Uncle Adrian and I went to go get some dinner at Subway for the three of us (grandmother included). Ivan hasn't been around for a good week and it seems like this is only a taste of what's to come as far as his vagrancy goes.

After we got dinner, Adrian did something that made me lose all respect for him. He actually, behind the opened door of his large very-"American" truck, he actually decided to relieve himself. This was right in the fucking Subway parking lot! Granted it was dark, but one could clearly hear what was going on. As if that weren't enough, as we were pulling out, he actually threw out his 24oz. can of beer (his accessory of choice) in the middle of the street!

This man is not if nothing else a living counter to all that I hold decent! I am mortified to be related to him and feel intimidated by his surly, drunken demeanor. It almost makes me feel sorry for the little hellspawns he calls his daughters.

I know that he holds some sway over my ever-suffering grandmother, as well. It seems like she can't bring herself to look at him in the eye, as if she were avoiding any possible close contact. It is only when he's left a room that she can confide in me completely.

My world is literally collapsing around me and I am all but helpless as the events around me unfold. There is no escape for the time being and I cannot wait to be able to leave, hoping that all I do for my mother and grandmother is enough for me to get the hell out of here with a clear conscience and hope for their well-being.

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:Moderate
Avoidant:High
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

{As if my problems needed to be any more illustrated by this quiz}

~A (Somebody save me)

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{"If you believe you can do it"}
28 October 2003 @ 12:43 AM

BGM: "Goodbye Sky Harbor" by Jimmy Eat World (the actual sung part this time)
Wanting: JEW concert tickets!
Wearing: dark blue Stanford boxer-briefs, white Hanes wifebeater

OH! Jimmy Eat World are playing Tucson this coming 8th. Tickets are only a scant $15, but the website to buy them from is charging me an extra $3 to buy them! Not that that's my most major problem; I don't have a credit card!

Now, normally I'd start acting all sexy-sexy and whatnot to try and dupe - I mean, charm someone to get them to me (not that it would really happen, but it's fun to pretend), but whomever does decide to be a sweetie and put them on their card must have it present at the box office the day of the show! TRAGEDY!!!

Damn you, you credit card reliant-thing!

~A (Is tomorrow just a day like all the rest?)

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{*Microphone feedback*}
27 October 2003 @ 1:28 AM

BGM: "Goodbye Sky Harbor" by Jimmy Eat World (especially the really long fade out)
Wanting: nothing that anyone can give me, really
Wearing: midnight blue ON tribal tattoo tee, grey plaid ON button-shirt, black AZ Jean Co. carpenter pants

That's enough for me. I have quite satiated my urge to karaoke. I don't know what it was that possessed me to become so obsessed with it in the first place, but now I'm done with it and I'll not feel the need to go out and do it next week, in spite of how Fox and I tried to make it a regular thing.

Tonight was hell at Woody's. Fox and I arrived right after 11:00 and immediately felt alienated with all the horrible (as if there were any other kind) country karaoke going on. I would have suggested that we say fair's fair, admit a mea culpa and get the fujita out of there before it became awkward, but Fox had ordered himself a drink.

Fine, we were going to be there for a while, might as well partake and maybe change the pace from this honky-tonk garbage. I signed Fox and I up to duet Len's "Steal My Sunshine" with me doing the male lead. When the karaoke host called me up (I was using my AJ X-Name), some beeotch that was sitting at table with a larger group of people, of whom was this guy who had just performed named JJ, thought it was her place to say, "Who the f*ck is AJ?" Right as I passed by on my way up. I don't know WHY, but something stopped me from just going "Excuse me bitch, have you a problem?"

Anyway, once up there, I tried to shake the negativity and Fox and I sang "Steal My Sunshine" with our usual conscientious wreckless abandon. I thought we rocked, though there were some spoken parts of the song that I didn't know.

After that, we each had another turn up, and both times the karaoke machine decided to futz out on us as we were a verse or so into our songs (mine was U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and Fox's was Toni Braxton's "Unbreak My Heart"). In retrospect, we both took that as a sign that us and karaoke = badness.

With that, I told Fox that I did not plan on coming back to Woody's next Sunday. Especially not if there's going to be some talentless country blah being spouted making everyone's ears bleed. Oh, that reminds me, there was this one guy who went up and did Warren Zevon's (may he rest in peace) "Werewolves of London." Anyone that knows that song knows that one has to "howl" for parts of it. Well, this guy's howling sounded more like a cross between Courage the Cowardly Dog and a man being gutted. It was bad.

So, I guess one cannot blame me totally for abandoning a place with such low taste, right? I mean, I feel that as far as a welcoming environment, I deserve better. Maybe I'll just stick with The Biz's Karaoke Night. That's if and ONLY if I feel the need to act a fool on a mic. And, maybe just to avoid anymore instances where I'll feel like cutting people, my new Karaoke X-Name will be Gabe.

~A (He said, I am but one small instrument)

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{Fall back? What??}
26 October 2003 @ 1:51 AM

BGM: "Hey Ya" by Outkast
Wanting: lots and lots of sleep (which I shall recieve shortly)
Wearing: grey FTL undershirt, blue Morbid Threads plaid pants with hundreds of superfluous zippers

And here I thought this state was somewhat special in it's non-use of daylight savings time. Damn you Hawaii and parts of Indiana!

~A

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{where do i start?}
i am... a dancer and a dreamer, latino, gay, a singer, a poet, an artist, a son, a brother, no one's lover, way too obsessed with sailor moon for my own good, a romantic, temporarily unemployed, and too much more to list here

{emotional me}
The current mood of invernal at www.imood.com

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i was always blue-green cuz we are living in a material world...
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