{And nothing else compares...}

{You knew it was coming...}
11 February 2004 @ 9:14 PM

BGM: Ayumi Hamasaki - "Forgiveness"
Wanting: nothing in particular
Wearing: dark grey plaid ON button up shirt, white ON t-shirt w/blue stripes, navy blue work slacks

Yeah, I decided to fall back on one of my more predictable diary filler entries; a lyrics post. This is my current favorite song, "Forgiveness" by Ayumi Hamasaki. Lyrics transliterated into English.

Sometimes we make mistakes
When we are lost
Some of them are not big
But we are still regretful and lonely
We start to walk, emotionless
As if nothing had happened
But I still remember
This never ending fight
It must be because that no matter whose love it is
We keep protecting it
It must be because that no matter whom it belongs to
We truly believe in it
Maybe, in order to protect love
Everyone wishes to believe in something
But I wanted only keep my love
Every cardinal sins
Every immoral things
But I was holding on for my love

-Ayumi Hamasaki - "Forgiveness"

{Death to the ignant}
10 February 2004 @ 7:29 PM

BGM: Howard Jones - "Things Can Only Get Better"
Wanting: more than this
Wearing: two-tone grey and maroon sweater over maroon ON polo-style shirt, grey ON cargo pants

"Slow down, you fat bitch!"

Those words were said, no screeched, by a fine and upstanding example of humanity as I encountered her and her teenaged companion head-on at a parking lot on Golf Links and Kolb on my lunch break yesterday. Granted, I did come around the corner raher suddenly (but not at all fast), but I did notice them two crossing the lot and I certainly would've stopped, because quite honestly, if I would've hit them, it would've have ruined my day (not to mention Mina's exterior)! Mere confusion on my part (because I tend to panic in such situations), I continued forward, the other two having stopped to apparently let me by. It was then as I was passing by that the words above were shot my way. Up until then, I was ready to apologize for nearly running them down, but instead I showed her no hard feelings by giving her the finger.

Anyway, this has casused me to bring about a curious thought. As far as being on the receiving end of disparaging remarks, my body size has been the #1 favorite weapon for others to use. More than a fag, more than a geek, more than a dirty Mexican (actually, I don't get much, if anything on my race; I guess people wouldn't want to be considered politically incorrect, would they?), more than anything else I am my body size. Why? Because it's the most plainly obvious thing about me at first glance. I'm not flamboyant, equating glasses with geekiness has long since been debunked and I can speak English a lot clearer than I can Spanish (and save for a few sporatic exceptions, better than a lot of other people), but my size is something that I cannot hide.

Yes, I still get all the above insults, I always have. The thing is that I haven't learned to let it slide off my back. I always take it personally, I always allow others to hurt me. I give them permission to take domain over my feelings with their petty words. In my own defense, I have gotten better over the years, I don't cry about it as much as I used to. I've also resolved to make this the last year that I let others hurt me with superficial words; be it by developing a thick skin or signing away my free waking hours to a gym. Hopefully for my health, it'll be the latter.

Finally, I close by saying a big hearty FUCK YOU. No one has the right to judge me or make me feel ashamed of myself. I'm all that I got and I won't allow anyone to make me feel believe that that's not enough!

3+ (Don't you forget)

{This never ending fight}
08 February 2004 @ 11:08 PM

BGM: Ayumi Hamasaki - "Forgiveness"
Wanting: all the beautiful things that life has to offer
Wearing: midnight blue/grey ON hooded pullover, denim ON jeans

Well, earlier tonight I got a rather revelational (is that a word?) tarot reading from Steve. Well, it's not like I told me anything that I should do (cuz tarot doesn't work that way), rather, it pointed the path for me to walk and it told me in so many things what's going on and what I need to do. It all boils down to following my heart (as cheesy as that sounds) and everything will come out alright. That means in true genki anime schoolgirl fashion, I have to keep doing my best!

Why, even my weekly forecasting horoscope tells me that everything will be alright with the advent of the return to The House on Calle Milu:

You are getting used to the idea of wanting to change everything around you, immediately. You are soon going to be viewed with new eyes by those who thought they knew you well. This week, though, there are not too many obstacles in your path, just a few hiccups that can be avoided with a little care. On Monday, Mercury squares Mars, which may mean that one conversation could go wrong. This isn't the best of times to discuss delicate or vital matters, as neither of you are going to want to be considerate or helpful. Midweek, when the Sun sextiles Pluto, you may also get a hunch or intuition, which leads to an idea that could enable your business to take off. Any thoughts you have at this stage are worth making a note of, as you will then find you have a new sense of direction, which is inspiring and could also be deeply satisfying. The weekend isn't the best for an action-packed and truly exciting time. But it could be great for getting anything done that you have put off, if you can get yourself into a disciplined frame of mind. Dating isn't going to be particularly hot, so concentrate on other things that really will make you smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Oh, and I just love it when I hear a song that just touches me deep inside. This song (which has as of about half-an-hour ago become my new obsession), I heard while doing my weekly rounds of my favorite Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon sites, more specifically, Ruthie's. On her episode downloads page there's this gorgeous ballad by Japanese pop idol Ayumi Hamasaki called "Forgiveness." I've been listening to it nonstop and I just love every note. I highly recommend it to anyone who has open tastes.

3+ (But I was holding on for my love)

{And silky, yee-ah!}
04 February 2004 @ 8:16 PM

BGM: Jimmy Eat World - "Christmas Card"
Wanting: food!
Wearing: midnight blue/grey ON hooded pullover, navy blue something-or-other slacks

The haxor handle of Aaron J is "C0ol Operator".

{Wintery goodness}
03 February 2004 @ 7:22 PM

BGM: Alanis Morissette - "Princes Familiar"
Wanting: everlasting winter!
Wearing: midnight blue/grey ON hooded pullover, khaki work pants

WOO-HOO!!! Six more weeks of winter! Take that and shove it, spring!

You haven't the vaguest conception under God how joyous this makes me feel. Now, how's about some snow up in this trailer?

3+ (Feeling so fickle)

{Morning Star}
01 February 2004 @ 5:37 PM

BGM: Hoobastank - "The Reason"
Wanting: this may be silly, but to be able to transform into either Sailor Venus or Neptune
Wearing: dark red/blue ON jersey-tee, white Phys. Sci. button-up shirt w/blue & black plaid stripes, denim ON pants

I would like to use this entry as a forum to celebrate two very blessed occassions on this day; the first of the beautiful month of February.

The first thing is that I finally got to see my beloved Sailor Venus' transformation sequence on the dream-come-true show, Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon. Words fail in describing how beautiful a sight it was to behold and how much joy/awe it brought about in me. Truth be told, though I love my Neptune-sama, I think I still harbor a love for Venus. She was my first favorite and seeing her in this show makes me re-realize how much I love her.

Which makes me put forth this, why is it that all of the gay bois that I've come across that have been into Sailor Moon name Venus as their favorite? I know that I love her because she's the most fun-loving, the prettiest, and has the coolest powers of the inner senshi. Maybe that might be it.

Fanboy nerd-talk aside, I'll move on. I have something else to cover before I end it for today.

The more important of the two blessed events that I have to talk about is my dearest Matt's 20th birthday being today. He's now left the carefree and blissful world of adolesence and is in the final stage of childhood before entering the world of adults. I sincerely hope he has the best of luck in the year that follows and every day thereafter. I love you Matt!

Oh, and here's a visual token of my lurve for Venus-sama:
Solider of Love and Light, Sailor Venus! In the name of Venus, I'll punish you!