{And nothing else compares...}

{Mousing off}
08 April 2004 @ 8:33 PM

BGM: Third Eye Blind - "God of Wine"
Wanting: too much to list here
Wearing: dark grey ON ringer, denim ON jeans, black/beige Steve Maddens

ARRRGH! Whoda thought that I, an accomplished and probably not-so-humble self-taught artist would have such a trifling time drawing something so seemingly simple as Mickey and Minnie Mouse???

*Sighs*... But I brought this upon myself. This is what I get for going around and flashing my sh*t like I'm Sharon Stone... er, my drawings that is. So yeah... Gail, a bubbly if annoying Lead CSR at work asked this favor of me. Given that I am absolutely incapable of saying no, I find myself sitting here, with a half a dozen windows open with Mickey and Minnie pictures, trying to draw my own slightly manipulated version of the two of them as bride and groom.

What I really hate is the fact that I was chosen so haphazardly. It's like, 'OH! You can draw! It's a completely different style than what you do, but here you go!' It's quite insulting, actually. But then again, I did stupidly decide to do this purely as a favor; without thinking of asking for a cent for my troubles.

But enough for now, I've got a damn drawing to finish.

3+ {Well I said no, no, no, nonono...}

{Endless, nameless}
06 April 2004 @ 9:26 PM

BGM: Nirvana - "In Bloom"
Wanting: n/a
Wearing: sky blue ON ringer, blue/white plaid ON surfer button-up shirt, dark grey ON cargo shorts

In memoriam of Kurt Cobain, the lead singer of quite arguably the most influential band of the 90's; Nirvana. At the time of his untimely death, I was 12 and not fully into the music scene yet, to which I regret to this day, as I am such a fan of their work now. But Kurt's death has not been in vain, as he has passed not only into eternity, but into legend. His influence continues on and will never be forgotten.

{Welcoming beauty (albeit late)}
05 April 2004 @ 8:30 PM

BGM: Laura Branigan - "Self Control"
Wanting: more beauty
Wearing: powder blue ON hooded surfer t-shirt, denim ON jeans

So, I may be behind in welcoming beauty for the Pagan New Year, but since friends Steve and Matt have already done so, I'll do what I do best; jump on the bandwagon right as it's already too late.

The past few days have yielded some uncommon things that I've held as being beautiful in my own skewed perceptions. Like for example, the other night as I was driving home from a night of hanging at Miranda's house watching sexy Johnny Depp making bread dance, I decided that I was out of soymilk (a rather easy decision, mind you) and that it would be most intelligent of me to get some hair care products. So, seeing as it was nearly 2:00 AM, the only place that was open on the way home was the Super Wal-Mart (evil!) by my house. As I was pulling in, I caught glimpse of something extraordinary; about 20 or so associates out in various areas of the store bringing in the hundreds of shopping carts back to the docking area at the entrance of the store. It was like a scene from Armageddon, I could've even sworn that they were moving in slow motion, it was pretty cool.

Another such instance was at the laundromat the other night. I was drying my clothes, reading The Advocate and admiring the spread on Hal Sparks (another beauty that I wouldn't hesitate to welcome), when I saw this mother who had come in driving an ice cream truck, her toddler laying on a pillow in one of those hampers on wheels doing loads of laundry.

Possibly the biggest instance of beauty has to be the past few days in which I've gotten a chance to indulge my need to buy some stuff at none other than Old Navy. *Tears up* They were having a 10-year anniversary sale and I got a chance to buy two outfits and a cute hooded surfer t-shirt, all for about $80. Not only that, but I've also gotten a chance to get myself a pair of those oh-so-everywhere Steve Madden shoes that make all the boiz so damn hot. It has definitely been a time for beauty!

But on a more serious note, I've taken a notice that I'm becoming more in tune with the night. As if I were becoming reborn as a creature of her black velvet enchantment. It feels so magickal and I want to persue it further, become in tune with the gloriously beautiful world that is the night. I wish I could remember what Louis said about it in The Interview With the Vampire; but he summed up the night so beautifully and the fact that I can't recall it annoys me to no avail. C'est la vie...

3+ {Merciful death}

{No April Fool's Joke!}
01 April 2004 @ 8:13 PM

BGM: none
Wanting: to spend!
Wearing: sea green ON polo-style shirt, navy blue Pacific Beach Co. slacks

WAI~!! Today has been near-pristine! I'm not going to try and tie up my time with a lengthy entry, so I'll just bust a recap, savvy?:

Good: Today was my first day as a Bilingual CSR!
Bad: I didn't get a single call in Spanish today.
Good: I actually woke up in time and didn't end up racing across the parking lot of work...
Bad:... yet I still managed to clock in a minute late.
Good: I finally got my taxes in!
Bad: I'm SO getting the urge to blow a large chunk of my money on something stupid!

3+ {Happiness is government money!}

{So let's wait for one more}
31 March 2004 @ 10:05 PM

BGM: Jimmy Eat World - "For Me This is Heaven"
Wanting: positive things to continue
Wearing: maroon ON polo-style shirt, denim ON jeans, black flip-flops

Things seem to be looking up. I'm almost completely better in my stomach and the threat of falling ill is just about completely passed. So, with a *knocks on wood* I'll continue on, doing my best, living my life the best way I can!

My work situation no longer is on amber alert; at least not for right now. In fact, they seem to be all but fun and saccharine, complete with a bunch of fluffy pink bunnies, glowy yellow starz and cyan daisies on a neon green grass field on a pitch black night. I'm now part of the extra $1.50 an hour l33t group of bilingual CSRs that are going to be taking calls in Spanish in addition to our normal almost English-speaking clientele. Couple that with the fact that I'll be offered another small penance for surrendering two years of my life to them this coming June, I'll be making so much money I won't know what to do with it! *Pauses* Well, that last bit isn't true, I KNOW what I'll want to do with my money, but I'm not. I'm going to take this opportunity to exercise some sense of self-control so I can save up and have enough to fly the fujita out of here.

While on the subject of work, I've made a new friend who coincindentally happens to be part of the bilingual CSR. She's so cool! *Jumps for joy, then stops when he realizes that he doesn't know her name yet* Hmm... I probably shoulda done that already. I'm so bad with names! But yeah, she's sassy, she's funny and her ex-husband worked up in Seattle on The Ring! Though, she's under the impression that I'm straight, but it's a non-issue. I mean, *Valley Girl lisp pops out of nowhere* I'm so like, popular and junk and I'm like TOTALLY str8-acting! I'm like FUR SHURE~!

But yeah, things seem well. For once in a really long time, I'm truly happy and I think that karma's giving me a break now. I am only hopeful that this will be a gateway to better things, as opposed to the normal teaser. Plus, it rained today, and that's always a positive sign in my book! Let's hope for the best!

3+ {If I don't let myself be happy now then when?}

{As a dog}
29 March 2004 @ 9:29 PM

BGM: Switchfoot - "Meant to Live"
Wanting: betterness!
Wearing: black Hot Topic 'Game Over' mushroom shirt, grey ON trek cargo shorts

This isn't a very blogging-kinda week. I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what. I guess this is where I actually check in and give my body's current status.

I've been feeling quite sick all day today. Just when I was going to stand proudly and boast that I had managed to bypass the whole sick thing that seems oh-so-en-vogue during the winter and into early spring. I'm not going to go into specifics, but my tummy area is not quite stable. Despite it all, I still dragged my ailing ass to work and put up with the torture of the ineptitude of the cell phone-using masses. Coupled with an inexplicable fatigue and random sneezing fits, I've had such a not nice day.

*Sniffles*

Oh and these homophobic American pigfuckers aren't doing much to make me feel better either. Not only is Karma a bitch people, she also has puppies, so you're gonna get yours. Just you wait.

Well, I've toiled away here for quite a bit, now I'm going to home and climb into my cool, fluffy comfortable bed. Just like heaven.

3+ {We were meant to live for so much more}

{AAH!!!}
27 March 2004 @ 7:39 PM

BGM: Amanda Ghost - "Filthy Mind"
Wanting: something fun to do!
Wearing: black Coldplay concert shirt, midnight blue ON button-up tee, olive green Trek Cargo pants

I managed to avoid it so very cunningly until now. I had actually prided myself for not succumbing to the pratfall that one would've expected of me.

AND! Let me just say that this was not of my own voluntary doing! Well, not really...

See, I was looking at the Genvid site and I stumbled across the reviled Quizno's Subs link. There, front and center on the restaurant's site was the link to view their god-awful and quite frightening commercial featuring those hideous rats with their 'Black Hole Sun' video-esque facial expressions.

*Shudders* I've never felt so dirrty and disturbed at one!

{Poem: Untitled}
26 March 2004 @ 5:52 PM

BGM: Madonna - "Oh Father"
Wanting: a life of my own
Wearing: grey ON 'Los Angeles' shirt, denim ON jeans

Untitled
written on Friday, 26 March 2004
I'm not the best or very reliable
But I try and I do what I can
So I want more, is that really so bad?
I'm sorry that I'm never home
I just want more than you can offer
I can feel your disapproval of my lifestyle
And I've yet to feel welcome in your eyes
Take me back to a past life
One I was happy to have escaped
I am not free
My life is lived one day at a time
Forever in the shadows of uncertainty
Trying to fly out and live on my own
But the shackle is never far from taught
You chastise me for my lack of focus
Behind my back you think me lazy
Personally I think you weak
We both know you don't intend to speak this to my face
Instead you tell the one person who still blindly loves you
That's fine, that is your opinion
Think what you will of me for I do not care
I only wish that you would hold me in higher regard
I am your eldest son after all
But your betrayal of me stems further back
And I haven't yet forgiven you for that
Honestly, I don't think I ever will
For in a fit of rage, you showed me the truth
Which to this day still hurts me deeply
I never asked or expected anything from you
I would like nothing more than to hate you
You lost me at a young age and I've lived without since
But I'm not even allowed that option
The pretense of family is one that I'm required to uphold
My chance of freedom taken by the woman that I love
So I remain with you for her sake
It is too late for tears now
You keep me imprisoned without the chains
For you and I both know that I won't leave
And I won't... not yet
My time is coming
We all know it
And there's nothing anyone will be able to do to stop me

you are steelblue
#4682B4

Your dominant hues are cyan and blue. You like people and enjoy making friends. You're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. You are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect.

Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it.

Your outlook on life is brighter than most people's. You like the idea of influencing things for the better and find hope in situations where others might give up. You're not exactly a bouncy sunshine but things in your world generally look up.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

3+ {Why am I running away?}

{Civic booty}
25 March 2004 @ 10:14 AM

BGM: Maroon 5 - "This Love"
Wanting: to go home!
Wearing: white ON tee w/blue stripes, midnight blue ON button up shirt, black AZ Jean Co. carpenter pants

Well this is interesting, I've never before thought that I'd be keying in an entry from the Pima County Superior Courthouse. Jury duty?? I'm so for sure! Why can't I just say that I'm prejudiced against all races so I can get the day off?

Mmmmm-hmm. So here I am at an �ber-filtered computer, quite surprised that I can even access diaryland, typing my way out of boredom as I find that I WASN'T called to serve on a jury; as of yet anyway. Along with a handful of other people, we're instructed to just while away the day and hope that we get called. If were lucky, they trials will have the jurors that they need and I can just either get to work or go home. Hopefully the latter.

Ah-ah. I want to go home! I've done my 'civic privilege' and quite frankly, I'm disimpressed. And there's this really creepy guy sitting at the computer terminal across from me with only one eye! If I could, I'd run out of here Serena Wailing and flailing my arms wildly.

I'm hungry!

3+ {This love has taken it's toll on me}

{They don't love like they should}
22 March 2004 @ 7:46 PM

BGM: Hoobastank - "Crawling in the Dark"
Wanting: for my dreams to come true!!!
Wearing: grey ON 'Los Angeles' shirt, black AZ Jean Co. carpenter pants

Okay, so I've just about had enough with Info. For the longest time I've sworn that they were inventing new and exciting ways to not only piss me off, but to try and get me fired. For a while, I let it get to me, but now I've decided that they're backing me into a corner and though I would probably lash out as I rightfully should, I'm not. At least not at this present time. I've come to my decision that I've passed the apex of the hill, have switched to neutral and am just going to coast down until it's over. The newest thorn in my side is the addition to the weekly Quality Assurance report that essentially states if you average about 89% or less in a two-week period, your ass is getting written up. That is just so fucked up that I cannot even begin to muster words to describe the horrible internalized rage that I feel for this BS that I'm being handed. Then we've recently added a plethora of saccharine pleasantries that we're recommened to say during each call. This isn't by any means required, we won't fail a call if we're being monitored if we don't say them, but they add bonus points to our QA and that would translate into more money each paycheck. Mostly due to the fact that I'm just not used to sounding like such a tool (not on purpose anyway), I'm not saying them and my TM admonishes me by saying that I'm throwing away free money! &#?@&$%^#$%@!!!

"Oh, THANK YOU dear caller, it was MY PLEASURE, have a WONDERFUL evening, ENJOY the movie I just gave to times for and while I'm at it MAY I JERK YOU OFF?"

At this point, there is no way in hell I'm going to kissing ass to a bunch of faceless people who view me as equally faceless and waste my time saying a bunch of crap that they don't appreciate. FUCK THAT!

But I'm through going through wasteful feelings over a company that long longer holds my interest. There's a career fair going on this Wednesday and I'll surely be in attendance.

Ahh... in the midst of all of this groundwork that's being laid down for an upcoming upheaval, my #1 Fantasy has never been far from my mind. I seriously cannot wait for the time when I can look back at this point in my life, laugh nervously and change the subject; that will be sweeter than Joaquin Phoenix asking me to marry him. *Pauses for a moment and thinks about that* Okay, maybe the SECOND best thing, but it'll be a close second!

But in more disturbing news, this comes courtesy of Jono's site. And while you're there, click here, here, HERE, and HERE!

3+ {Looking for the answer}