Big city dreams for a small-city boy

{It's-a me!}
29 June 2004 @ 9:36 PM

BGM: whatever this guy's playing
Wanting: n/a
Wearing: vermillion ON pocket tee, red-orange ON button-up, dark tan ON cargo pants, black leather sandals

Good gods is this guy amazing! It makes me wish I knew how to play the piano... and were Asian.

3+

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{Any takers?}
28 June 2004 @ 7:29 PM

BGM: n/a
Wanting: tee-hee
Wearing: baby blue ON ringer, black AZ Jean Co carpenter pants, black sk8r shoes

They say you can't rape the willing. Well, I wish to challenge that... though I suppose it can't be called rape if I'm allowing it. Oh fuck it... I just wanna get laid.

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{Money = death}
25 June 2004 @ 5:31 PM

BGM: Rufus Wainwright - "I Don't Know What It Is"
Wanting: simplicity
Wearing: dark blue ON ringer, tan ON cargo shorts, black flip-flops

Okay, so the accompanying drop to my somewhat sugarhigh of a previous entry will be as follows. Readers that may become easily depressed, I advise you not going any further and key in "puppies and kitties frolicking in the grass" on Google or something.

So my financial status is just above the crisis level. I've only a measly $400 at my disposal this pay period and even that's not enough for what my budget requires. I'm used to having about $700 (even though for the past three months, I've made about $1000 per check, though the tax taken out is like getting fucked out the ass) at my command and even then I barely manage to cut it close with my expenses.

I don't know what it is, but I cannot be on good terms with money. Ever. My mom told me once that it's like it burns a hole in my hand/pocket and that I spend as if I'll never run out of it. Which, unfortunately hasn't changed much since she told me that, an indeterminable amount of years ago. As of right now, after having successfully weaned off of those confounded payday loans, I find myself having to go back to them no more than two weeks after I thought I had said goodbye to them for good.

I hate money. I hate having to go through this adult life having to make mistake after mistake all for the sake of learning. I cannot figure out one, how my other friends manage to be in command of their finances as if it were as easy as breathing, and two, how it seems like I black out whenever there is money involved and cannot go back and fill in empty spaces where I've spent it.

Maybe I need an intervention. Maybe I need a higher-paying job. Maybe I should just starting making note of EVERY SINGLE THING I PURCHASE and squeeze every penny until it bleeds. Just to make sure that I do not overstep my means.

*Sigh* But that involves heavy amounts of self-discipline and I've never been one to inhibit any action that does not directly harm others. But I guess if I've barely scraped by on that mantra, maybe it's time that I update it and go frugal.

But after going through my childhood and adolesence with a mother who frequently couldn't get us all we wanted and after coming into adulthood with a job that gives you oodles of cash just by putting up with retards with cell phones, I guess I got more than a little spoiled and am paying for it now.

Which I suppose is better than paying for it years down the road when it may be too late.

3+

.

{Lurve is in the air}
24 June 2004 @ 10:11 PM

BGM: n/a
Wanting: lurve!
Wearing: black Coldplay concert tee, grey WF1 cargo shorts, black flip-flops

*Le sigh* I have a new love... a love which is totally storybook-classically forbidden. It's a love that dare not speak it's name for it is under the witness protection program. This is a love that shall live in INFAMY!

But enough histrionics, yes, the summer's officially here and I have a couple of things of newness to report. Firstly and foremostly, I am still at my sucky job handling all those people who's collective intelligence still wouldn't get them into ASU, I'm still living with my vice-addled father and my 'jobless roustabout' (a term I cribbed off of the fabulous La Gloria) brother. And Mina, though truckin', continues to suffer. I swear, I gotta get my financial act together and get her some quality attention. *Whines* But that would mean inhibiting myself and my spending! I know it's for a good cause and all, but there are so many cute outfits to buy and so many nights of the week to go out clubbing!

NO! I have to have resolve! I have to do this, because by the newly adjusted date of September-ish, Steve and I will be movin' on up to the Eastside! With a deluxe apartment in the sky... or maybe out to the Westside in a modest two-story right next to a student-housing apartment that's full of hardly workin' Kevins and Kellis. Either way, it should be fab.

Also, as a result of Alanis-knows-what, I've been out really late on worknights with friends living it up and taking joy in random acts of weirdness. As a result, I've averaged about an hour and half of lost sleep per night, which totally adds up and makes for one grumpy Aaron. As a result of THAT, I am so dreading work and find myself performing lower than my usual standards (which have never been that high). At least I'll be able to look back on these days (if I live long enough to) and say that I made the most of what I was dealt with.

But, now that the pressing new stuff is outta the way, I can get back to this crazy little thing called love. For me, to not be able to step outside my door and start a connection/attraction with the first cute guy(s) I see is a day that I probably should be in bed sick. So, seeing as how I've been in perfect health (save for that pesky burnout thing), I have several new special guys on my mind. Well, most of them are new, this season's been one to remember things from the past and I keep getting people like He-Who-Broke-My-Heart-in-December-2002's face, and even my dear sweet Georgia boi Jono. But, I have others whom have been on my mind. New bois (as I've been trying to iterate). Bois whom I've met on my live-action Sailor Moon message boards.

Yes, I said Sailor Moon. You have a problem? Nerd love, really. But what's really irking me is that one of these guys is ONLY 16 and even though I thorougly believe in love crossing all boundaries (except maybe for species), age is something that even makes me a little weary. Plus, the other bois (even the 16-year-old) are all total strangers. Granted, we are a community of sorts, but I hardly know these boys, I don't even know all their names! For cripes sake, I don't know what to do with myself!

I know this will result in more blah days at work, but I think that the only rememdy is to keep going out and partying at the clubs, getting drunk, dancing the extra weight off so that I can find someone to take notice of me and make me forget about all these problematic pipe-dream fantasies involving men across the continent whom I'm never really going to have a chance with lest I become some supermodel and maybe even under 18 again! *Gasps for breath*

Like, fuck yeah!

3+

.

{Blah}
21 June 2004 @ 6:06 PM

BGM: n/a
Wanting: n/a
Wearing: n/a

For those that care; I can't think of anything new to talk about, suggest something please!

.

{Running just as fast we can}
14 June 2004 @ 7:41 PM

BGM: Tiffany - "I Think We're Alone Now"
Wanting: all things outline below
Wearing: midnight blue ON long-sleeved button-up, black ON ringer tee, khaki ON cargo shorts

I got Tiffany's autograph! I got Tiffany's autograph!! I GOT TIFFANY'S AUTOGRAPH!!!

WAI~!

So, I just got in yesterday from the fabulously bohemian (albeit a bit on the hirsuite side), much more cooly climated and tree-y college city of Flagstaff. I attended their Pride festivities and helped out by chauffering a few of the Boys around (who performed a whomping three sets in a single day).

Aside from being a workhorse (cuz I DID get to go for practically free, might as well do SOMETHING nice in return), I managed to find some quality time for myself. I wore my cutest outfit in possession; a baby blue Old Navy ringer shirt under a white poplin button-front shirt with blue stripes, sandusky Old Navy worker's jeans and my black and tan Steve Maddens, and walked about the park acting as cute as I could. After a while (read: a few hours later), I got desperately bored, so I called in reinforcements... actually, I called Ruben and asked when his primping ass would be over.

After a bit more waiting, during which I actually decided to take a sit and draw a bit, Ruben finally showed up with a really cute frat brother of his named Emmett. I was muchly pleased upon Rube's arrival, he managed to procure me some alky that I had theretofore not known that was missing from my day.

The rest of day was spent in his and Emmett's company. Because it is, quite frankly, difficult to get anyone to pay attention to me when I'm around Matt. Besides, Matt was performing. Anyway, our triumvirate strolled through the park, perusing the booths and trying to get picked up. 'Trying' being the operative word. Emmett had some serious sex appeal, I mean, he's a frat boi for Jeebus' sake, Ruben is total bear-attracting material. Me? I was just trying to cover up my flaws in Old Navy chic. Needless to say, the rest of the day was rather a waste and a pain on my feet (my Steve Maddens are SO not made for walking).

Mercifully, after the endless cavalcade of drag queens and even after that stuck-up has-been Gioia (formerly of Exposé) did their numbers, the 80's mall-touring goddess that is Tiffany finally got up on stage. As all other people who are known only for a small number of songs, she saved them and played some of her newer, oft overlooked material first. Which, though unlike her 80's peppy pop sound, was nonetheless very good and a welcome sound.

After a number or so, during which I was hanging out in the back with Matt and Ruben, I decided that I'm not going to get another chance like this, so I went up to the already-crowded front stage, pushed my way as forward as I could go and cheered my heart out for her like a 14-year-old schoolgirl. I even went so far as to make a heart handshape during her set. It compared in no way, however to when she finally got to her signature hit, "I Think We're Alone Now." After which, the ever-loving crowd got her to do "Could've Been" as her encore.

Once she finished with that, I went back over to Matt, to find that Ruben and Emmett had gone to find something to eat. Anyway, as I approached him, I was still so star-struck that I was practically beaming. I went up to him and was like, 'Oh my god, I was this close to Tiffany! I'm so happy.' During which, a girl and her friend walked by and was like, 'Oh my god, I know!' Then we both had a typical teenine moment where we both squealed with delight and hopped up and down.

From there, I went over to the backstage area, determined to not leave until I had her autograph. Luckily, there weren't too many people waiting. Though, there was this guy who was about in his mid-to-late thirties who was very creepy and obviously one of those psycho-obsessive fan-types. As my turn approached, I tried to wave Matt over so that he could get a picture of me and Tiffany with his camera phone. Unfortunately, the rushed pop star and the asshole of a security guard didn't allow for much time, so I didn't get a chance to get her shot and ended up getting shoved out of line by the above stalkery fan. I did manage to shake her hand, to tell her she was a goddess and to get an autographed Pride program for Matt and I. I was so upset that didn't get her picture, though. I wanted to cry and to be mad at Matt for not coming over quick enough. Some people just don't understand the love that one can have for their idols.

Later on, we caught up with Rubes and Em downtown. We walked around a bit in looks of somewhere to eat, during which I felt as if my feet were being stabbed with nails they were hurt so much. We finally decided upon Monsoon, a P.F. Chang's-style Asian fusion restaurant with all the food and atmosphere, but minus the over-priceyness. As we dined, there was this party of about thirty people, most of them in their 40s-50s, being racuous and just plain obnoxious. Still though, that didn't take away from the goodness of the food and the delicious opportunity for me to get a prolonged rest from my feet.

Once finished, we split up, with the intentions of changing so we could all go out for some pre-Babylon drinks. I had to drop Matt back off at our hotel anyway, seeing as he was underage still. On the way, as we were driving down a calm and quiet street, the street lights suddenly went out, followed by a sudden blue-green flash of light in the night sky off to the right of us. What we didn't know at the time was a power outage and had half of the city of Flagstaff in darkness.

After I changed, I headed back out. I called Bernadette (a casual friend of mine living in Phoenix who's also a QV old-schooler), as she had an extra ticket to the Babylon show that she was going to sell me. It turns out that she was at the Monte Vista (a bar/hotel), having drunken time with Nadine (an acquaintance of mine and old-school queer). Once arriving in the downtown area, after earlier having taken note of the deadly danger that the power outage had wrought (with a couple of car accidents literally at every intersection), I beheld a strangely eerie and somewhat attractive sight; dozens of people (mostly queers from out of town) walking up and down the streets of downtown Flagstaff in perpetual darkness, almost unfazed to the lack of power. It should go without saying that I had a hell of time trying to find parking.

Once I did, I headed over to the Monte Vista and awaited Ruben, Emmett and their other frat brother Sam to show up. At the hotel, the line to get inside was mercilessly long, taking us over an hour to get inside. Apparently, because of the outage, MV and Maloney's (a college-aged bar a block down) were the hotspots, seeing as also the Orpheum (the venue where the Babylon Tour was supposed to be playing in) was without electricity.

Finally inside the bar, we (Ruben and I) were thoroughly disappointed. I talked to Bernadette who was beyond the point of coherence due to the gallons of alcohol she had imbibed. I've never really been around here during her periods of extreme inebriation, but I was then and let me say that that girl DOES NOT STOP TALKING! After about 10-15 minutes, one of the bouncers told her she was cut off and asked her and Nadine to leave. It was only afterward (after a single drink) that Ruben and I left. We decided to give the girls a ride home, seeing as they were in no condition whatsoever to drive. On the trip to their hotel, I had to drive so incredibly slow so as not to make Berni hurl all over my car.

After getting them all dropped off, I called it a night, pathetically at 12:30. The irony of it all was that supposedly, the power returned to the city and the Babylon tour started up, albeit late. The drag kings and Matt ended up partying with some out of town drag queens and would not let me have any peace. Just as well, I suppose, far be it from me to keep them from making the most of this yearly blessing known as Pride.

Sunday we left for Tucson early, with Matt sleeping the entire way there. Mina, luckily enough made it without any incident and I could not be any prouder of that girl.

As we re-entered to our home in the Old Pueblo, I had a feeling of sadness come over me; I didn't want to be back. It's not that I was so taken with Flagstaff that I wished I could remain there forever, though I was very much thorougly enchanted by the weather and the higher degree of culture there. I just wish that I could take the opportunity to build my life anew somewhere different, just about ANYWHERE, just so long as there's a vibrant community and a kickin' techno station (like Flag and Phoenix have).

There's always local pride and Flag again next year, though, so I'm going to remain optimistic!

3+

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{Crash, crash, CRAAASSSH into a ditch...}
10 June 2004 @ 6:10 PM

BGM: n/a
Wanting: some industrial-strength super glue would be nice
Wearing: white ON polo-shirt w/blue stripe, khaki ON shorts, black sk8er shoes

Just playin'... She needs a golden calc- what?

*record scratch*

Oh, right... yeah, I've been gone for a while, working the days away while trying to be lucky in love or lucky at getting lucky or whatever. I've been all over the place, and not in the way I'd like to be; I need to get some booty, get a better job and maybe stop trying to get my dear sweet Mina killed.

See, last night I was trying to get out and get some business done (totally innocent), and I was at my grandma's house. Okay, the reason being that I was there was to drop off a pair of pants that had unfortunately split right in the 'scandalous' area when I went to go visit my mom last weekend in Phoenix. As a result, I had to embarrassingly endure the entirety of the visitation sitting in a very feminine way, much to my discomfort. Digression aside, I went over last night to ask that she do me the favor and repair them. While I was there, I had hoped to see if I could borrow my uncle's Dodge Durango for the weekend, as along with Matt and a member of Boys R Us I am going to Flagstaff this weekend for Pride in the Pines. While it may be true that I've been jaded by last year's local festivities; in which I was largely IGNORED by all queers with a penis (those shallow, self-absorbed sodomites); I've decided to give it another go this year, mainly because it's not going to be HERE and hey, the Queer as Folk Babylon Tour is coming through, what could be better than that?

*Imagines Joaquin Phoenix and Colin Farrell getting it on and getting invited to join in*

*Swoons*

Okay, maybe THAT would make things slightly better, but as for now, and to keep things slightly within the realm of higher plausability, I think that the QAF Babylon tour will be sufficient.

So, as to come back from another digression, as I left the house (my request for the car being denied), I got onto the I-10, amidst the hellacious ground zero that passes for a construction zone. It was approximately 8:00, so visibility was much for naught. Anyway, as I got on the on-ramp, I noticed one of those large orange signs with the two wavy arrows indicating that the traffic was curving. Nowhere, however did I see a sign saying that I was immediately to merge into the lane (usually, one gets about a half-mile's worth of road to smoothly merge), so I go at it, thinking that everything's fine. It was shortly thereafter, as I was attempting to get in, that I realized that the big scary lane with all the huge semis and land-conquering cars was the one I was supposed to be in. This one semi, appearing larger than the rest for some blessed reason, apparently did not notice me coming and didn't bother to let me in, so seconds away from being sucked into the rig's monstrous undercarraige, I swerve fiercely to the right, into a closed lane. Luckily I made it out safe, but not without a price; blocking off the closed road were those orange and white hurdle-looking barricades with the flashing lights, as I slid in to safety, I managed to sideswipe a couple of them. Once of which claimed my Mina's passenger-side door mirror. Horrified, I grinded to a halt and switched on my hazard lights. I scrambled out, and retrieved the missing mirror, still intact, save for it being a separate part from the rest of my car. I tried to see if I could will it to stay back on, but it was in vain. After a few more moments of letting the disbelief and the adrenaline die down a bit, I threw the mirror into my newly-modular car's backseat and finally made it safetly onto the freeway. From there, fairly destitute of happy feelings, I went off and ran the rest of my errands for the night.

Because of such an event, I've become somewhat resigned to thinking that I'm probably going to never be able to part with Mina, seeing as I seem to have a penchant for getting her banged up. Also, because of this, I've become slightly troubled as to what horrors will await me as I'll have to drive through the treacherous Phoenix freeways to get to Flagstaff. May whatever god/goddess that governs over luck on the highway be on my side for that trip, and hopefully just some plain old good luck for everything else that should transpire this weekend.

Here's to hoping that I get laid! *raises water bottle, then takes a drink*

3+

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{Note to republicans: F#CK OFF}
03 June 2004 @ 12:59 AM

BGM: n/a
Wanting: sweet sleep
Wearing: green tie-died t-shirt, dark blue/green ON plaid sleeping bottoms

Taken from my brand-new antiquated style of good ol' pen to paper:

A warm and otherwise gorgeous pre-summer night, Monday, 1 June 2004

Oh what a set of travesties that overpopulate this world. Hunger, war, a miles-wide crevasse between the rich and poor classes. This is a world full of injustices, most of which can be traced back to us, the most powerful and influential country in the world. The fault lies on us - the many, the gluttonous, the Americans. Luckily, this isn't what is bothering me... at least not at the time of this penning. My grievance tonight involves a small but alarmingly growing subset within our own queer community. That is the political scourge infamously knowns as the log-cabin republicans. I ask, just where do these surely misguided souls get off on aligning themselves politically with such blantant, callous, greedy, racist, preachy hate-mongers? For the life of me, I am immensely confounded by such a thing. Apparently, and to quote Mr Harvey Fierstein, a prolific, if under-credited character in the community, 'their guns and money mean more to them than their [freedom]' (I forget the exact term he uses there). Indeed Mr Fierstein, that seems to be the sad truth. Yes, I do know very well that this is America (a notion that has both positive and negative connotations to my ear), and we all (at least in theory) have the freedom to choose whomever we see best fit to be in the metaphorical driver's seat of this fair country. But what will not stop eating at my subconsciousness is how can these individuals, these so-called decent Americans be on the side of without a doubt the worst, most idiotic, simpleton not even fit to operate a can opener let alone be put in charge of running the entire free world. The man is Bush, the second. In his agonizingly long-seeming term, he has taken absolutely no pains to offend the entire world, give Americans an even worse outsider image and continually astound us with his ever-soaring (or is it plunging?) ineptitude. To be gay and republican is not only ironic enough in itself, but to be as such during these diffiuclt times where our own rights as people hang in the balance is madness. The political party to which these blind individuals shower their allegiance to surely wants nothing to do with them. Why, there are far too many other narrow-minded people in this country that are republican. They can do well enough without the tithing of a bunch of stuffy sodomites with too much money on their hands. In fact (and lest I give them too much credit in saying so) I'm sure that they're happier wihout it. At least that way, they're not obligated to feel like they need to listen to them. But then again, during these past four years with republicans in command, I've seen some really repulsive things so I don't fancy myself being too easily surprised at this point. At length, I would not only like to say that I'm so very much not a log-cabin republican enthusiast, but would like to further state that lest one be on the receiving end of a richly-deserved tongue-lashing by me (a self-professed somewhat extreme left-wing liberal), they would do very well to keep their skewed political views to themselves. They and their flying monkey of a commander-in-chief can sod off, for I will not hear any of it.

Quite proper-sounding isn't it? This whole tirade was actually spurned by the visage of gay man (at least a person who had a bumper sticker that said 'I Kiss Boys', in rainbow lettering no less), with a 'W '04' *ahem* 're-election' sticker on his other-wise fabulous, sporty black Honda Accord. What a tragic waste.

3+

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{where do i start?}
i am... a dancer and a dreamer, latino, gay, a singer, a poet, an artist, a son, a brother, no one's lover, way too obsessed with sailor moon for my own good, a romantic, temporarily unemployed, and too much more to list here

{emotional me}
The current mood of invernal at www.imood.com

{fly me to the moon}
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{sprites!}
Sailor Luna: Chibi-usa, reenvisioned Sailor Moon: at least this gif has the ponytails hanging properly; BEHIND her Tuxedo Kamen: aka - T3H M45K3D MULL37
Sailor Jupiter: who? Sailor Mercury: once was lost, now a geek Sailor Mars: Venus' girltoy Sailor Venus: Mars' daddy

{cool-style}
i was always blue-green cuz we are living in a material world...
« # Gay Diary ? »
Haruka to Michiru kirei
invited by the new age, i am sailorneptune, acting gracefully
typical genki schoolgirls by day, ass-kicking heroines in color-coded mini-skirts by night!
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Gone, but not forgotten: 
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