20 July 2004 @ 10:44 PM
Wanting:
money money money!
Wearing:
white Hanes wifebeater, white/blue plaid ON Vintage cut button-front shirt, khaki ON cargo shorts, black flip-flops
But I'll try again. I was called earlier this afternoon by Dominos and was offered to start tomorrow as a pizza delivery boy. I was thrilled, not only does it end my perpetual rut that I've been in both financially but socially, I think that this is just the springboard that I was waiting for for me to jump onto bigger and better things.
After getting the news, I hopped into my car and decided to come down here to the solace and sanctity of the ILC. Because, for one, I needed to get my daily internet on, and two, where else can I go to gather my thoughts and my strength all while ogling hot guys in even hotter summerwear when I don't have money to go to the mall? Exactly! On the way, right before I put in a CD into my newly fixed stereo for some feel-good music, I heard two very encouraging songs on the radio. On the pop station, they were playing Misses Hilary and Haylie Duff's version of "Our Lips Are Sealed." Granted, I'm not a huge fan of theirs, but I do have a thing for trendy music or anything that stirs the spirit. Speaking of, on the alternative station, the song that has become the ubiquitous anthem for my stint of unemployment, Modest Mouse's "Float On" was just wrapping up. See, I knew that this song would be a good charm for me!
I sincerely implore the spirits of luck and prosperity to give me a helping hand and make sure that this be a most fruitful and enjoyable period that I'm about to begin in my life. I don't ever want to feel like I did at Info, like working there was the best I could do, no, I want to feel invincible and empowered and I think that this new opportunity might just be that which I've been searching for.
3+ {Even if things get heavy}
.
~Got my car stereo back all fixed up and new. Who would've thought that listening to CDs in the privacy of your own car would be so euphoric?~Got to hang out and observe the wonderful splendor that is the summer rainy season here in Tucson. The lightning/rainstorm was so incredible, I never get tired of witnessing it.
~Went to Yoshimatsu (a new Japanese restaurant here in town) with Matt and Gloria. It was delicious and I can't wait to go back and sample some more of their tasty offerings.
~Hung out at Matt's house and with him, Gloria and Steve and talked about stuff, most importantly involving our own line of perverted, sexually-implicit ice cream flavors, which I'll save for the bottom of this entry, so's not to take up too much space.
~Inspired by our creamy, icy muse, we went and sought our own sinful dairy pleasure and managed to come back to Matt's abode and enjoy it. Twas divine.
~Afterwards, the three of us (Steve had departed for the evening) prattled idly for a while, during which Gloria came up with the incredibly hilarious line, "Whatever floats your trailer." We laughed for five minutes nonstop, it was fabulous.
Good times.
Conversely, today I woke up with an achy back and neck, I cut myself on the counter in the bathroom as I banged my knee on the edge as was lifting my leg to put my pants on. Somehow (and despite careful monitoring), I am $130 in the hole on my checking account. Aside from about $10 in change that I keep in a jar in my room which I'm saving for a dire emergency, I am flat broke.
Though this situation that I find myself in is by any measure sucky, I still haven't reached the point of becoming distraught. I'm mighty agitated as to how my finances could be so royally screwed up. I'm restless at having nothing good to do. I'm worried about if I'll have enough gas to get me through to whenever I'll next have money. I've developed a really inconvenient sleep pattern (going to sleep at about 3:00AM and waking up at 1:00PM). And two of my good friends aren't seeing eye to eye. But I'm not distraught. Maybe I'm running from my problems, but I don't think I have any need to panic. Things have to get worse before they can get better, right?
Oh, and my Rott's name (for the time being unless I think of something better) is Sirius.
3+
Better Than Sex (Our planned name brand)
Cookies and Cum
Caramel Poonani Swirl
Pre-Jack Berry Blast ("Delicious berry flavor that comes before you do")
You Rocky My Road
Prailines and Pussy
Stop Fingering My Mocha Cherry Crunch
Poonstacio
Raspberry Queefcake
Stick It In My Mint Chocolate Chip
Tie Me Up Peanut Butter Cup
Fill Me Up Vanilla Bean Surprise
Sit On My Face Chocolate Fudge Brownie
Neopoonitan
Strap It On Butter Pecan
Shaved Georgia Peach
Lick My Clit Cookie Dough
Bareback Strawberry Banana (with condom and lube, of course)
Double Dong Caramel Delight
Dick Jousting Java
Mocha Muff Deluxe
Snooglemint
Leather Lime
Tropical Teabag
Taste Of The Pacific Rimjob
Strawberries & Cream My Pants
Jenna Say Twat French Vanilla
Man-go Mango Twist
Tripple Chocolate Penetration
Blueball Berry
Sweet Pussy Cherry Pie
Virgin Vanilla
Barely Legal Creme Brulee
Wet Orange Dream
Bananas Fisting Foster
Tribade (tre-bid-ay) Tiramisu
Cum Raisin
White Chocolate Orgasm
Boysenberry Glory Hole
No Sex On Turtle Sundae
Churned By Hand Butter Toffee
We Met At The Toffee Bar Crunch
I'm Gonna Blow My Motherload
Berry Snatch
Lick My Cum Stick
As for the name, I was leaning towards something anime-related, so I came up with Inuki. Sounds good, no?
3+
.
Today was a fairly lazy day, I awoke at one, after being roused at about a quarter to eleven by a friend of Miranda's to be invited to her bridal shower she's having on the 25th. It was only then several hours afterward that I was cast aside the throes of sleep and awoke, nevermind the fact that my brother had gone out and bought me a hamburger, but I decided that it be best to get the day started now better than later.
Once I showered and ate, I proceeded to mill about for a while, not knowing exactly how to pass the seemingly too numerous hours at my disposal. Finally, I decided to take up my book and sat at the couch and make some great progress.
After a long interval of time, during which my grandmother (my mom's mom) called and asked to speak to my father regarding the status of what the hell he's going to do about the house in on which we're still four months behind the payment. He said very non-chalantly that he had spoken with a representative at the mortgaging company and arranged it so that as long as he send in a payment come the end of this present month, all shall be good. Though I feel like I am in good mind to harbor mistrust towards him for being so consistently disappointing in the past, I sincerely hope that maybe this time will be different and we'll finally be able to live as a normal family, once my mother is released, of course.
Also, as I later had continued my book on the sofa, my father approached me and gave me a lengthy talk about how much he's not been a proper father to us. He pledged that he would do everything in power to redress for his past wrongdoings and will put every effort towards making our lives as enjoyable as possible. It was very touching and for the sakes of us, my mom's family and his, I hoped that this would be true.
Later on, finally exhibiting some want to actually go and do something with my day, I decided to come down to the University area and spend some quality time by myself. As I drove, I felt so in tune with nature and so alive as if today were truly my first day alive. It was exhilerating, especially after driving with my windows rolled down and taking in the monsoon-cooled air that couldn't have come too soon.
So, after I spent a good amount of time driving around and looking for a restaurant that I'd like to eat at, I stopped by at this one quaint little Chinese one right on University Blvd. and had myself some tasty (but hot - temperaturewise - to my tongue's displeasure) General chicken and rice. From there, I went to Starbucks and treated myself to a long-deprived grande Caramel Frappuchino. From there, I found myself coming to the ILC for some routine internet usage.
Things shall very soon be different, however. I called AOL today and scheduled an appointment to fill out an application at 9:00 AM tomorrow. The day after (Wednesday), I have my appointment at DES to see if I qualify for unemployment pay. Willingly, I'll be able to get some aid before I can re-enter the working world. And hopefully, my horoscope today will be true and the future may have bright things in store for me soon:
Over the past few days, you have noticed that there seems to be a lot of changes in the air! You will have to make a decision, INVERNAL. Do you have to live like you did in the past in a very secure environment? Or on the contrary are you excited by a more adventurous future? You should probably try to use a little bit of both!
Oh please let it be so!
3+
.
After making my brother and I far too many quesadillas to eat, my grandmother (visibly distraught over the news concerning my father's apprehension last Thursday), was cleaning the kitchen a bit and being generally very, VERY silent, only speaking when asked a question. It was quite the uncomfortable silence. When I could, I left to my room and just sat on my bed, avoiding such an uncomfortable situation. A short while later, she came in and asked if I could take her and my uncle to the shuttle station so that they can get back to Nogales.
As we were about to leave, who should come prancing in through the door than my father himself. My uncle, brother and I were all in the living room and were almost literally slack-jawed at the sight. I didn't know what to say, other than 'How?'
Apparently he got let go, as simple as that. After that, he said that he promised that he'd get on the ball and get the house payments back on track. Hopefully, it's not too late for that. He then went into his bedroom and greeted my grandmother who apparently was met with the same shock as the rest of us. She hugged him, I think gave him some very much needed stern chiding and cried in his arms. It was very heartbreaking because my grandmother, bless her, is a very strong matriarchal type woman who is very much in control of any feelings of vulnerability. Needless to say, I was very moved.
Happily, things seem to look brighter for the time being. And though I've been down this path of mistrust and deceit by that man whom I though I had surely written off, right now, and for the sake of me not having to pack everything away and move back in with my grandmother (on my mom's side) AGAIN, I'm glad to have him back. Now I beseech the spirits that be to let this time around be better and that we might actually come out ahead for once.
Gods grant me hope.
3+ {My single wish}
.
���� MMA Is PGSM Homosexual/Bisexual Love!����
Snaps to Steve for his skillful use of Adobe Photoshop! Guess which one I am??
3+
.
Granted again, I've watched every video that I own; which includes Go, Empire Records, Dogma, the Sailor Moon S and SuperS movies, and Run, Lola, Run (okay, the last one isn't mine, but might as well watch it), but it's still a nice option to be able to see them if I so feel like it. Seeing them has brought me to the realization that aside from Dogma, all the movies in my possession have to do something with the rave culture. Isn't it strange? Yeah, it's also a bit on the dorky side too, being jobless has afforded me the luxury of formulating such inane thoughts. But anyhoo, it seems like I've watched myself into a rut, as I have no driving desire to see half of those movies ever again (at least from this point right now, that may very well change tomorrow).
And my time off is not for lack of trying, so I don't even want to be deep-throated with a reality check; I am completely aware of what I'm doing. Or rather, NOT doing. I'll get off my ass and get back into the grind (sans the 'bump and...' sadly), but as for now, being a woman of leisure is very enjoyable.
That and I've not only put in an application at Papa John's Pizza (which the very studly, frat boi manager told me I have an excellent shot at), but I also have a meeting at the unemployment office on Wednesday. Might as well see if I can get some free handouts during my job search, ne?
3+ {This feeling has got to stay}
.
Besides, during the time in which he and his equally-intoxicated woman lived in filth and sin, they made several offences against my person that are beyond forgiveness.
First and foremost, they managed to enter my room on a daily basis whilst I was away at my former thankless job and no doubt went through my most personal of personals. Next, my father's trophy fish (one that he should've thrown back, in my opinion), took it upon herself to take my $10 bottle of Victoria's Secret Amber Romance body spray. Also, they took my Gilette Mach 3 razor to use for Alanis-knows-what. Those two items are not in the least cheap, and given my current status of a 'jobless roustabout' (a term that I've grown quite attached to, thanks to dear Gloria), that is not easily replaced.
Luckily, a day before all the horrors happened with their encounter with the law, my dear grandmother came over and gave them both a thorough reaming, threatening to call the police on them lest they get their act together. Though my father (a term to be used very loosely), having the devil's tact, slammed the door on her face, his woman, who no doubt took the threat more seriously, came out and told her that she'd be gone soon.
On the day that they got caught by the sheriff, after I got home for the last time from work, I looked inside my brother's Hoopdie-mobile and went through the woman's stuff. Not only did she have all her stuff which she no doubt was to take in MY SATCHEL, but amongst her belongings was my ill-gotten bottle of VS body spray. Though I could've very easily have switched out all her things into cheap plastic bags from my own, I decided not to. Number one, to be a better person and two, well, actually because it didn't come to my mind until she had already come for them. No big loss, I suppose.
But; and this is the most unforgivable thing that I just discovered last night; they had taken my white candle which I used to perform my Wiccan luck charms! No doubt to add mood to their adultrous and unspeakable affairs which I'd really rather not give thought to. That is the most insufferable of their actions, one that I will hold against them for as long as I need some ire to cling to.
Basic lack of privacy is what it all boils down to. To know that your personal belongings have been rifled through is very much like rape. I'm very sorry that I didn't get the chance to personally tell them off for behaving as they did, but I think the long arm of the law has embraced my father and his bitch, though she didn't get detained. Maybe she'll find some other unfortunate soul to disease.
But in closure, I am certainly glad to see them gone. On the following Saturday, my mother called me and amongst other things, she informed me that she'd finally be filing for divorce. Years late, perhaps, but happily enough, she's finally come to her senses.
As for me, I hope that I can use these events as a springboard to bigger and better things. In all my dreams of grandeur (grandeur being what everybody else has), they never involved my father. C'est la vie...
3+ {It's not my time to go}
.
Actually, before I get to that, let me just start by saying that Thursday was a very odd and surreal day. It was one of those days that feel like you're not actually living your own life, but watching it from the outside, as if it were someone else's. I've recently purchased the classic novel Dracula by Bram Stoker (it's the only selfish purchase aside from food that I've made in a long time, and that's a really big accomplishment for me) and I've scarcely put it down. This is such an engrossing novel. Though, as a side-effect, it's affecting my language a bit as I'm becoming a little more concerned with typing out in a proper English manner, reminiscent of the bygone days of the 19th century.
But I've digressed, as for the actual events of the day that have been so pressing, I'll divulge now.
Thursday morning, despite my cellphone's alarms going off at 7:30 and 8:00 I rose at around 9:00 at the sound of my brother speaking with someone on his phone. Shortly thereafter, he came knocking at my door to, aside from finally waking me so I can get to work, ask for a ride. The person he had been speaking to on the phone was the Pima County Sheriff and he was informed that the man whom I've come to address as my father and his fugly and equally-addled trophy fish has been detained, having been pulled over in my brother's grey Hoopdie-mobile. The posse had apparently taken them in, leaving the car to be picked up by my brother, a licensed driver.
Muchly exhasperated at the fact that this man will NEVER learn, I took one of the quickest showers in history and rushed off to retrieve the vehicle. On the way there, we exchanged a bit over how seemingly accursed we, the family seemed to be. It seems like all of our efforts are either not sufficient or just all in vain. No matter how hard we try, it seems that there is no hope for us as a family for a happy future. My dear brother, being of the age when he can now properly think and assess statements such as that, agreed to the assent. Adding that it appeared that all of these ill-starred occurrences are all out to try and bring him down. As disheartening as it was to hear such a thing from him, I knew that he was right. But, I gave him hope, I shared a bit of wisdom with him, telling him that though he is more than rightfully entitled to, he should not be discouraged by these events. No, I told him, let these be your fire, let them strengthen your resolve. For though I have long stopped believing in the Christian God, I do believe that this is a trial of one's determination and with a sufficent amount, it will all soon pass, just as our fleeting moments of happiness as a family did.
Upon arriving at the abandoned car, I let my brother off and told him that if he needed anything, to not hesitate to give me a call. From there, despite the more than fair amount of red lights that I got, I managed to make excellent time in getting to work. All througout the morning, I kept thinking 'what should I do if this misadventure happens to make me late for work? Will I actually go through the pain of clocking in late and invariably facing termination because I'm still on a final warning for my attendance? Should I just play my trump card and forget to clock in even though I've used it to excess and I've actually lost out on wages because of it? Or should I just take this as a hint, call in and just say that I'm quitting?' So, abandoning what my mind was saying and going for what I perceived as common sense, I went into work.
Luckily, as a result of some insane driving (even moreso than usual), I made it to work with time to spare. But as I stepped in, I took note that things were different somehow. Normally, when I get to work, whatever energy I have is instantly sapped. Today, however, it felt different. I still dreaded being there, but not so much as usual. I didn't make too much of it because it was time for me to gather my headset from my locker and get out on the floor for some evil callers.
Things progressed as boringly as could be expected. I didn't feel anything different in the air. Though I was in deep regret for forgetting both some money to buy something to eat (the morning's activities coupled with the fact that I woke up too late to eat breakfast had left me hungry) and in my haste I had also forgotten my book, so I would be left with nothing to do during my breaks and no food!
Luckily, things continued fairly well. First break was forgettable. By lunch however, I had decided that I would bum off something from the mobile taco vendor in the parking lot and pay him back the following day. Splendid idea, now I wouldn't starve.
After eating, I sat on the outdoor patio with some fellow coworkers and discussed politics. There was an actual Bush supporter amongst them. Happily though, he couldn't vote. But it was a good discussion nevertheless. I even put in my two cents by saying that we need a black, lesbian, atheist president, that way all the minorities are covered.
But once we went back inside, I clocked in, quickly made use of the bathroom and went to go back to my desk. As I passed by, I noticed that same girl that was outside with us chatting about how much of a dunderhead Bush is was sitting in front of the queue with her hands over her chest as if she were experiencing some sort of heartache or something. All around, there a few leads attending to her. Knowing full well that I would be in the way and that this doesn't concern my being off the phones, I went and logged back on. I did however, watch the drama unfolding from my desk and tried to keep concentration during my calls. After a few minutes, a cadre of paramedics came and had to wheel the poor girl out of the building in a stretcher.
That tided me over event-wise until about two hours from the end of my shift. It was only then that Linda approached me, completely and utterly without any sense of graveness in her voice, and asked me to log off. Being accustommed to getting bad news upon being asked to get off the phones, I braced for the worst. Once I logged out, she walked with me to the conference room. 'So, how's your day going?' she asked me most non-chalantly. 'Well, to be quite honest, it's been quite possibly one of the worst days I've had in memory.' 'Well, I guess it's days like this that make one grateful for the good days that we do have.' she responded and led me into the room.
Inside, I saw that Crystal, one of the center assitant managers, was already there. In front of her was some very dubious papers. Once all seated, we got directly down to business. Linda whipped out my weekly quality monitoring sheet explaining to me that I had 'passed nine out of tweleve calls.' I almost lost it right there, I do not do well being patronized. 'So you mean I FAILED three calls, right?' I shot back almost immediately. She acquiesced, explaining that because I was on a final warning for my quality, that this meant that it was cause for my immediate termination. She managed to get this all out without any sense of compassion in her voice, it was all spoken very matter-of-factly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That's when Crystal had me the sign the papers saying that I was no longer good enough for InfoNXX's money and had she and Linda left me fill out an exit interview sheet.
Though I was a little teary-eyed because I had suddenly lost my livelihood, I managed to fill it out. I gave Linda a positive review, because quite honestly, she was good, albeit a pawn for the cold and unfeeling corporate money-mongers that ran this company. Though when it came to answer what I thought of the company and whether I'd recommend this place to anyone else, I then rightfully let my poison flow. I stated simply that I don't care so little for anyone to recommend that they be subjected to such an environment in which the bottom line is held above everything else.
With that, and with having cleared out my locker with a six-inch thick pile of papers that have collected over the past two years, I left the company that had caused me such confusion and distress for the longest time.
On the way home, I had Modest Mouse's "Float On" playing in my head. Especially the lines that said, "We both got fired on exactly the same day, but we'll all float on good news is on the way." I took that as a sort of beacon of hope that though this has been quite a day, this isn't the end of my world. Far from it, I started thinking that is going to be the beginning of a radically transformative chapter in my life. True, I am without a source of income for the time being, but I figured that I could take the route that one of my friends (another former Info employee) and just go full time as a pizza delivery driver. Hey, and it also works for dearest Jono too, so why the hell not, right?
Once I came back home and shared the news with my brother, I came over to the ILC to do a very long and therapeutic blog entry to chronicle this all (this very entry). However, my recurring short-attention span and the fact that I've been thinking about several different things at once proved to be my downfall, as I couldn't concentrate on getting this very lengthy entry in.
I had to come back the next day to hope to complete that. But at home, I was having quite a time, not having to worry about having to be in bed by a certain time to be up on time for work the next day. I've been making excellent progress in reading Dracula and have managed to straighten up the house a little; VERY little, but something nevertheless.
And that takes me to today. After staying up until about 3:00, watching both Dogma and Run Lola, Run and reading, I went to sleep. It was the most exquisite sleep I had had in such a long time that I relished it... until my mom called me this morning at almost 8:00. She asked me if I had heard anything from the cocaine-sot (my *ahem* father), to which I said no. After that, she proceeded to entreat me with the task of calling one of the LDS churches here in town, explain the family situation, making sure that I make mention of my mother being a member of them, and hoping that we can get some kind of assistance. The irony being that I absolutely abhor organized religion, and asking the Mormons for handouts is something that only karma could be the blame for. Methinks I should bite my tongue about such matters in the future. Of course, to salvage the house and to appease my ever-worrying mother, I told her I would.
But that will have to wait until Monday. I plan on enjoying the weekend and though I had hoped to take at least a week off from the workforce, I think I shall have to start anew on Monday. C'est la vie, I suppose.
But my ex-Info friend was right, Info isn't worth distressing over. And in a few days, I will be so overjoyed after having not to be subject to going in there any more.
Yes, I truly believe that good things are in store for me. It is only a matter of time.
3+ {Good news will work its way to all them plans}
.
{emotional me}
{fly me to the moon}
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