Big city dreams for a small-city boy

{Turn yourself around and come on home}
09 August 2003 @ 1:01 AM

BGM: "Bright Lights" by matchbox twenty
Wanting: more than this
Wearing: royal blue FTL boxer-briefs

Don't you just hate it when half of the day's plans just fall by the wayside? I mean, I know that I said I felt a little overwhelmed by all of the day's activities, but I still geared up for it and even got a sense of giddy excitement out of it.

Okay, so everything went through as was supposed to with the exception of my plans of for doing something after I hung with Miranda. They went to this bar way up on Ina and I-10 that was formerly the Gotham. I was welcome along, but I didn't want to go because I'd probably want to glomp onto Randix, seeing as she's the only one I'd be comfortable around.

We were done at about 10:00. She took her Rocky pals, and I just turned and headed west towards 4th Avenue... in search of freedom, beauty, truth and above all else some fun. But alas, all I did was try unsuccessfully to get in touch with my pals, stop by the Lounge to find no one and went to IBT's and saw no one I cared to hang around. At 10:30 I was on my way home, calling it a night, fighting back tears of boredom and frustration.

Pathetic and sad isn't it? *Sigh* I wish that I could be the keystone of my group(s) of friends. I want to be the Fox, or the Shaunda, or Ruben, or Miranda or even Daniel. They have what it takes to make sure that everyone is rallied together with the sole purpose of having an enjoyable time. I'm just a lemming who doesn't have the certain I don't know what to corral people to get together and do something cool.

On the way home, for some reason, I had matchbox twenty's "Bright Lights" playing in my head. I hadn't heard it at all in the course of the day, but the chorus just stuck in my head. It's about some girl hoofin' it to Manhattan, but I still felt a special connection to it.

She got outta town
On a railway New York bound
Took all except my name
Another alien on Broadway

Well some things in this world you just can't change
Some things you can't see until it gets too late

And baby, baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me, from all i'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe , maybe, maybe you'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights dont receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home

I've got a hole in me now
Hey I've got a scar I can talk about
She keeps a picture of me
In her apartment in the city
Some things in this world man they dont make sense
Some things you don't need until they leave you

And baby, baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me, from all i'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe , maybe, maybe you'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights dont receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home

Let that city take you in
Let that city spit you out
Let that city take you down
For god sakes turn around

And baby, baby, baby, baby when all your love is gone
Who will save me, from all i'm up against out in this world
And maybe, maybe , maybe, maybe you'll find something that's enough to keep you
But if the bright lights dont receive you
You should turn yourself around and come on home...

-"Bright Lights" by matchbox twenty

~A (Maybe maybe maybe)


{Weekend forecast}
08 August 2003 @ 1:20 PM

BGM: "Because the Nights" by The Pretenders
Wanting: to be able to be in more than one place at the same time
Wearing: black and grey Old Navy jersey-style tee, Levi's button-fly jeans

I have such a busy weekend ahead of me. I have to go get my hair trimmed and somewhat under control soon. I'm also going to have to duke it out with the company financing my car, because according to them, I don't have insurance on it and they just slapped some of their own on there. I also have to go cover an hour of someone's shift at work at five. Then after that, Matt and I are supposed to go to Buffalo Exchange to do some random stuff I'm not sure of right now. At seven, I'm going to go meet Randix at Rocco's Pizza to help her with her homework.

As for tomorrow, I have to do two hours of overtime at work. I also have an interview at this realty place way out on the westside. From there, I'm going to have to take it as it comes. Matt and Cathy (Matt's mom) are also gone for the weekend. Well, Cathy left today and Matt leaves tomorrow night, so I have the house all to myself... too bad I'll be working for the most part to properly enjoy it.

I'm already tired just describing that.

~A (Take me now baby, as I am)


{Thoughts outnumbered by quizzes}
07 August 2003 @ 6:11 PM

BGM: "Yellow" by Coldplay
Wanting: Orlando Bloom to climb into bed with me
Wearing: grey 'Los Angeles' Old Navy shirt, navy blue Old Navy cargo shorts

I'm tired... I should probably sleep, or do something constructive. But I can't help but feel this unshakable giddiness that I've had for the past few days. Maybe it's because I've been getting into the Coke a little more than I used to (and the kind in a red can, not the powdery stuff *sniffles*), either that I've naturally had such a natural sugarhigh that I can't seem to come down. This is by no means bad, cuz this is a better alternative to feeling like killing someone (even though my exterior will not betray that motion).

Want to know the irony in all of this? It seems like all (if not a good chunk) of my friends are feeling the exact opposite. I know I've touched upon this before, but I can't help but feeling that that's how it seems to work around me. I will either be the dark cloud while everyone's constantly having the time of lives, or I will the one all shiny and new (like right now for instance) and they'll be the miserable ones. It's a very frustratingly uneven scale.

Bah... my head hurts.

University of Arizona
You are U of A!

Which Arizona University Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

{This isn't what I got. I only took it cuz I thought it'd be interesting... so much for that. I'm supposed to be NAU}

the bipolar you
you suffer from bipolar disorder. you have wild
mood swings ranging from severe depression to
manic euphoria. you have trouble concentrating
a lot and are extremely irritable which
probably causes trouble in your
relationships...better get help.

Which psychiatric disease are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

{If I'm going to be crazy, at least this is the one I'd most like to be... actually, I think I already am}

Brilliant! You're a bona fide know-it-all! Are you
British? Give yourself a pat on the back and a
have a biscuit :)

Brilliant! It's the British Quiz!
brought to you by Quizilla

{Jolly good!}

Sexy Orlando

What Orlando Bloom are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

{*Incoherent swooning*}

~A (For you I'd bleed myself dry)


{Random nostaliga}
06 August 2003 @ 10:46 PM

BGM: "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi (thanks a lot you stupid list!)
Wanting: the 80s back
Wearing: grey Old Navy jersey-style tee, navy blue Old Navy cargo shorts

With such other outcomes like Moulin Rouge, The Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean and The Matrix, this hardly seems like the best answer, but at least it's sweet:

Forrest Gump!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

And now for something that makes me feel damn old (I got this in an email from Fox):

Subject: Are YOU a child of the 80's?
All of the ones in bold are the ones that apply to me

1. You've ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE."
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
{Hey, everyone watched them back then!}
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair."
{I was actually singing that in my head the other day actually... scary}
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Babysitter's club and tried to start a club of your own.
{*Dry heave*}
6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
{I SO wanted one!}
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom.
{Acutally, I know this thanks to I Love the 80s on VH1}
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
{Once, I think... I wasn't impressed *ducks to avoid objects thrown by Fox and Miranda*}
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
{Again, everybody did!}
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
{*sings* Ducktales, OO-OOH}
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
{Jesus Christ, THANK YOU! I'm not the only one that feels that way!}
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
{No, but I had a rat's tail... not on the side of my head though}
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
{I remember that vividly!}
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
{*Gets all giddy* I *HEART* Oregon Trail!}
16. You made your Mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
{I did it myself with clothes pins}
17. You played the game "MASH".
{Actually, I never even liked the show}
18. You wore Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
{I wanted one of those too!}
19. L.A. Gear.
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
{Actually, I think I wanted to change it to Louie *another Ducktales reference*}
21. You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books.
{I do!!!}
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
{*Gets all Zen-like*}
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
{With all my heart!}
24. You wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
{As impossible as that may seem}
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
{She was their fag-hag, and you know it!}
27. You took Lunch Pails to school.
{I think I had a Garfield one}
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
{First part yes, second part no}
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
{I do not... D'OH!}
30. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
{Oh my GAWD}
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
{Their story next on Behind the Music}
32. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
{Um no... He-Man was a big homo queer who needed to get his bones jumped by Skeletor *no pun intended*}
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
{*Tear* Aw... if only it would've been that easy}
34. You ever owned a pair of jelly shoes.
{Nope, can't say I had}
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know what you are, but what am I?"
{Much to everone within earshot's annoyance}
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up."
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
{Not that my clumsy ass ever partook}
38. You have gotten seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
{Yes, those sadistic bastards that designed it didn't have the well-being of chubby kids in mind}
39. You have played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
{*Scoffs* No, I think I had taste even back then}
41. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "Totally awesome."
{No, but I have said various other 80s jargon like "wicked cool"}
42. You remember Popples.
{I never had one to call my own! *bawls*}
43. "Don't worry, be happy."
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
{All in the name of looking cool}
45. You wore socks scrunched down.
{Again, everybody did}
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK" - With silver BUTTONS BUTTONS BUTTONS, all down her BACK BACK BACK."
47. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
{Whoda thunk that CD players would come out on top?}
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
{That was some scary sh*t back then}
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
50. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tales.
{I felt pretty watching them}
51. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
{Umm... so does everybody no thanks to those damned commercials}
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
{Thank God for change}
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell," the ORIGINAL class.
{The only class worth watching; I *heart*ed Zack so much!)
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name."
{Not when it was relevant}

~A (You promised me heaven, you put me through hell)


{And no one else compares...}
06 August 2003 @ 11:15 AM

BGM: "The Boys of Summer" by The Ataris
Wanting: for people to see this
Wearing: teal Eddie Bauer polo-style shirt, royal blue Stanford boxer-briefs

So, in the excitement that was the newness of my online quiz-making prowess, I totally forgot to mention the new look of my beloved diary. Tres chic, nes pas? Now children, I would like everyone to say thank you to Meggin for creating such an über-fab template for me to continue my incoherent ramblings and skewed outlook on life.


Yay! I'm so unbelievably happy! I can't control myself.

Late last night, Fox, Shaunda and I did our tour of randomness. We were all at Fox's apartment at about close to 11:00, and we were lamenting our lack of an 18 and over club here (like The Bronze in BTVS), so we decided to take matters into our own hands and search for one ourselves. After an extensive stretch of no luck, we just decided to go downtown and peruse the selection there. For the most part, the scene downtown is very goth, so it was appealing, but none of them seemed to cater to the fact that Shaunda was only 19. We just decided to venture into Heart 5, seeing as the didn't have a bouncer to check for ID.

Inside, the DJ was spinning some disco and "blaxploitation movie" music. It was very funky. We immediately got our groove on for the remainder of the time that it was open. It was awesome too, because for the longest time, it was just the three of us, then one of Fox's friends from work came and joined us. Then this really funked-out couple came and proceeded to show us up, but they were fantastic. Then this really reserved-looking woman was grooving on the outer edge of the floor, despite our invites for her to come in an join us.

I had a great time. We danced until last call. Shaunda suggests that we do this every Tuesday. I think it would be a good idea, if not for two things; hopefully every Tuesday won't be a disco night (not that I have anything against it), and hopefully we can continue to get in without getting carded *Knocks on wood*

I think that we deserve some compensation or at least recognition for our knack for finding things to do in such a nothing-to-do town. We always seem to come through, without having to resort to driving to Phoenix.

Well, as per usual, I'm running late for work. Bye!

~A (The only thing that matter is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right)


{Quiz mastah}
05 August 2003 @ 6:40 PM

BGM: "Clocks" by Coldplay
Wanting: nothing at all
Wearing: grey Old Navy ringer, Levi's button-fly jeans, black flip-flops

Yay! I have now stepped "behind the counter" of online quizzes, so to speak. I am now among the l33t Quiz Makers that feed into the growing American addiction that is Online Personality Test/Quiz Taking Disorder (or OPTQTD, for short).

So without much further ado, here is the much anticipated first quiz (which is meant to *hopefully* usher in many more):

Clocks: the second single and arguably most omnipresent of Coldplay's songs
You're... Clocks! Arguably Coldplay's popular
single, you were/are everywhere people turn.
You're also the most unique of them all; piano-
driven songs are so few and far between. Maybe
that's why you're so popular.

Which Coldplay single are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And if you're all my friends (you know who you are), YOU WILL TAKE THIS QUIZ AND LIKE IT! Or just take it and let me know what you got.

PS: I was checking through my diary's search feature, and I realized that besides this morning's entry, I had only mentioned "penis" during the description of my bender this past weekend. I'm a gay homo boi and I've only mentioned the focal point of my lifestyle once in all the time that I've had this diary. Isn't that a little sad?

~A (You... are... )


{Grave rubbing}
05 August 2003 @ 7:24 AM

BGM: "Just Because" by Jane's Addiction
Wanting: more nights like these
Wearing: grey Old Navy ringer tee, aqua FTL boxer-breifs

Ruben is back. To mark his grand return, he, Steven, Shauna and I went and did something random. What did we do, you may ask? Well, we did something so unbelievably incredible and oh-so-very random that you will not believe.

Okay, enough BS, we went to a cemetary late at night. I know, nothing new for this band of rag-tag misfits... BUT! We went to a different one! AH! Yes, dearies, we didn't venture over to the usual one out in the middle of nowhere due east of town, no this time we went to the one right in the middle of it all. We patronized the Evergreen Cemetary on Oracle and Miracle Mile.

But yeah... we were there for a while. Shaunda brought some wax tracing paper and some charcoal chalk to do some tombstone rubbing. She got a few good ones. For the rest of the time, we just continued walking.

Now onto the good part...

We came across this one large block of a grave. It as a couple who died in the 70s/80s. Shaunda found it interesting due to the fact that they had a Russian surname and the husband's side had the Russian emblem on it (a two-headed eagle). The rest of us noticed that the wife had a pentagram on hers. And not the good Wiccan one, but the evil Satanic one, with the spirit point of the star pointing downwards. Resident Wiccan Steve can attest to this. So, after getting a mite freaked at this, Shaunda tries to rub the Russian emblem over her paper, but the engraving is much too shallow to get anything significant, so we just give up on that. Plus, a bird or something very noisily flew out of a tree that was next to us and half-freaked us into running away screaming.

Anyway, we continue our walk for a while longer and are getting ever more unnerved by the Satanic Russians. Shaunda takes another look at her attempted rubbing of the emblem and calls our attentions to it. For the most part, it's only a vague circular object, but at closer scrutiny, Shaunda swears that she can see a skull. Steve says he sees something faintly like the devil, I see a wolf for some reason and Ruben sees a penis. Which, take in mind are all somewhat maligned objects. We decide that this is a bad omen and that we need to burn the paper lest we become cursed or something. A scary noise (which in retrospect was probably just a police siren whooping) puts the final nail in the coffin (no pun intended) and we run screaming back to Ruben's Jeep.

From there, we decide to go to the nearby AM/PM and get some matches. We come back to the Russian grave and light the wax paper up, hoping to dispell any bad juju we might have incurred.

After that, we all went home. I still feel slightly uneasy about it all, but Steve said he'd find a charm that would aid in protecting us from bad spirits. I *heart* him, he's so like Willow from Buffy!

Anyway, I have to get to work. Later days!

~A (If I were you, I'd better watch out)


{More bar stuff}
04 August 2003 @ 11:05 AM

BGM: "Sweetness" by Jimmy Eat World
Wanting: sex!
Wearing: black Coldplay concert shirt, navy blue Old Navy cargo shorts


I feel a bit dirty after what I did at the bar on Saturday night. Granted, I could easily write it off as me not being in a correct state of mind to make proper decisions, I still had a very vivid memory of what went on. I've come to the conclusion that though copious amounts of alcohol does wonders as far as animating me in front of almost complete strangers (Canalia and K-Kris), it'll probably take more than what I had to make me black out everything I went through througout the night.

That being said, I can say that right after last call and the music stopped, the five of us (Fox, Canalia, K-Kris, Domino and I) hung around for the sidewalk sale briefly before walking over to Canalia's car. On the way over we somehow start talking about Fox's scary movie that he, Domino and I are starring in. From there Fox and I start singing the musical number, which is a blatant rip-off of "Prom Tonight" from Not Another Teen Movie. So imagine if you will, the lovely visage that is a black guy and a Mexican guy just yowling like stereotypical drunkards from all those 50s movies/TV shows.

Once at Canalia's car, we say our goodbyes. Sometime later is when Canalia showed us his Prince Albert.

After the three left, it was then that Fox and I walked about the University area to try to get sobered up enough to drive home. It was during that hour or so that I did all the naughty things like flash my you-know-what and whatnot. The funny thing about that is that we were walking in front of this one building on the campus that had about five students (they looked like students anyway) huddled in front of a computer. I'm hoping that they didn't get a glimpse, because it wasn't intended for them. But anyway, thoughout the walk I was also feeling very... well, for some reason I can't bring myself to say it, but it rhymes with "thorny."

But whoo, look at the time, one really shouldn't try to post a long update while taking quizzes and trying to get ready for work. I have to go now. Later days!

~A (I am not a tease, I just get really uneasy about sexual matters)


{XXX: Bar Badness}
03 August 2003 @ 3:26 AM

BGM: hehehehehe
Wanting: sex!
Wearing: not appropriate


Okay, I'm probably too drunk to write this, but I want it to be documented so that I can either go back on it and laugh or hang my head sheepishly to.

Yes, I AM drunk. For the very first time in my life ladies and gentlemen. Saturday, August 2nd (and into the early hours of Sunday, August 3rd), I lost my sober virginity at IBT's. You want to know the best part? I didn't have to shell out a cent! My sugar daddies tonight were Domino and Fox's high school friend K-Kris. Forget what I had said previously, I can hold my liquor! Two Buttery Nipples, an Electric Lemonade and a Lemon Drop later, I was stumbling around in your typical drunken stupor.

But it doesn't end there, I actually got to see Fox's other high school friend Canelia's penis. I think people wanted to see his piercing there. But I don't care what was attached, what I saw was pretty.

I think I saw someone else's penis too. And maybe someone might've seen mine, I'm not sure. But tonight was definately something for the vaults.

~A (Apparently not drunk enough to tell about it)


{where do i start?}
i am... a dancer and a dreamer, latino, gay, a singer, a poet, an artist, a son, a brother, no one's lover, way too obsessed with sailor moon for my own good, a romantic, temporarily unemployed, and too much more to list here

{emotional me}
The current mood of invernal at

{fly me to the moon}

{reach out and touch me}

{i lurve these people}
rb colorkid
margaret cho
kitty magic

Sailor Luna: Chibi-usa, reenvisioned Sailor Moon: at least this gif has the ponytails hanging properly; BEHIND her Tuxedo Kamen: aka - T3H M45K3D MULL37
Sailor Jupiter: who? Sailor Mercury: once was lost, now a geek Sailor Mars: Venus' girltoy Sailor Venus: Mars' daddy

i was always blue-green cuz we are living in a material world...
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Haruka to Michiru kirei
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