{And nothing else compares...}

{I want the fire back}
11 October 2003 @ 9:22 PM

BGM: "Walk Through the Fire" - BTVS (Once More With Feeling) cast
Wanting: salvation from everything
Wearing: midnight blue ON button-up, black AZ Jean Co. carpenters

So I'm back from OUToberFEST. About it, I can't say much things positive. It was the exact repeat of last year's, minus some key dramatic moments that made it worth leaving the house for. I hate to admit it, but the naysayers are right about pride events; lest one be a perfect facsimile of every other queer (read: flawless, model-looking type), or unless one is partnered, such events as that only serve as torture for those who are merely hoping to get noticed.

I'm not feeling so hot right now. Before Steve and I left, Ruben had said that maybe we would do the bar thing later on, but I have yet to hear a word from him. I sincerely hope that something happens, because I need to be amongst people to forget about the negativity that today has imposed on me. Well, if nothing else, I have the downloaded version of "Once More With Feeling" to keep me placated.

Aside from the majority of the people that I ran into that I was glad to see, the best part of the day came in the purchases that I made. I bought a pair of black stud earrings with a white and blue starburst design, a star/moon dogtag-style pendant and a discounted price on a subscription to Instinct magazine. I tell you, I find such solace in material purchases. As far as further pride events go, as of today, they will be put under severe scrutiny (unless I manage to somehow look like one of the The Carlson Twins, that is).

~A (I will walk through the fire, 'cause where else can I turn?)

{Moon... Daylight... FLASH!}
11 October 2003 @ 12:58 AM

BGM: "Shadows of the Night" by Pat Benatar
Wanting: sex
Wearing: white ON shirt w/blue stripes, royal blue Stanford boxer-briefs

Wow... I just checked my stats and I realized that though I've been going through what I feel is an uninspired and whiny phase as far as my diary goes, people still are coming en masse. I guess I should stop jilting all of you beloved readers and do some proper postin'. Here goes everything:

So Ivan and I had lunch today (well not today, but Friday afternoon), and we went to TGI Friday's. It was he, his current (who, cruel of me to say, isn't all that), and lil ol' moi. I don't know about his girl, but the two of us had never been to Friday's and though I'll spare the details, it unfortunately wasn't a very good first impression. Our waitress however, was apologetic for the lack service and made ammends (read: free ice cream for dessert). With that, she won me over and I told Ivan to make sure she's tipped well for her efforts at satisfaction.

Afterwards, we drove over to Cathy's house to pick up some dishes for Matt and his roommate's pre-pride party in the morning. As I let my brother drive and his girl ride up front, I sat in the back, engrossed with my Oscar Wilde book. At the intersection of Craycroft and 29th St., I saw the weirdest thing I've seen in a long time, some guy wearing shorts and a t-shirt was standing there flashing people! He was like shaking his undercarraige at traffic. Between the litany of 'Oh My God's' and my trying to wrap my mind around as to just why this man was doing that, I couldn't help but gawk at flailing offering. Let's not forget that as a man of homosexual tendencies, I tend to focus on things such as that. In my defense, he wasn't a bad looking guy at all, albeit he did have dark (possibly tanned) skin and a shaved head.

As my brother took a left turn, I looked back and noticed the guy walking into the street, in front of on-coming traffic and proceeded to just STAND THERE. He had stopped airing out his penis and just stayed there looking at the cars that had stopped in front of him. As we drove further away, I saw him bend over, though I couldn't tell if it was to moon people, or what. When he was out of my sight, I turned away and my brother and I concluded that he must have been drunk.

But yeah, tres strange, no?

Well, OUToberfest is a scant hours away and I should probably get some sleep if I'm to show up at Matt's fiesta. I'll hopefully have something positive to report tomorrow night.

~A (Surrender all your dreams to me tonight, they'll come true in the end)

{Once more, with feeling}
10 October 2003 @ 8:19 PM

BGM: "Under Your Spell" by Tara (Amber Benson) from BTVS
Wanting: everything Buffy
Wearing: midnight blue ON button-up, olive ON trek cargo pants

I'm obsessing again. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is my muse right now. I saw the "Once More With Feeling" episode today and I've become re-infatuated with the songs and downloaded every single one (even the ones that aren't on the soundtrack). Now I want to go out and get a copy of the legit CD myself, cuz it's that damn integral to me right now.

Also, after stumbling across the link on Joey's blog, I've been reading some BTVS fanfiction starring the oh-so-adorable evil geeks The Troika (Andrew, Warren and Jonathan). *Sighs* I feel so wistful when I read them, they're cute and they're romantic and they're humorous at times as well. I've been also feeling that familiar feeling of loneliness that seems to populate my never-too-worried mind. In reading those, I seem to have a pang of envy for the characters of fiction. Then of course, comes the feeling of foolishness for harboring such temperment for people that aren't real.

Bah... I'll just buy the episode soundtrack and ride my other feelings out. As for the immediate, I'm going to go meet Dorian at Starbucks.

~A (Nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you)

{After all we are, we all are friends}
09 October 2003 @ 5:28 PM

BGM: "Friends" by Sprung Monkey
Wanting: resolve
Wearing: maroon ON polo-style shirt, tan WF1 cargo pants

Well, I guess that when held up against the past few days that Dorian's had, and Steve and Fox's current states of mind, mine is strikingly in contrast; the worst thing I can complain about is my lack of sleep for the past few days and the incredible number of dingbats that I've had to deal with at work. Further proof if such a thing was needed about my oft mentioned theory.

To my friends and anyone else having a not-so-hot day, I lend you my virtual shoulder to cry on and I dedicate this to you:

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man turn bad
So, please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want this time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Would make a good man bad
So, for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time

-"Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" by Morrissey (The Smiths)

~A ('Cause you're always there, and you're always right)

{There's always enough shopping days for me!}
07 October 2003 @ 9:18 PM

BGM: "Pride (In The Name of Love)" by U2
Wanting: presents!
Wearing: white Hanes v-neck, black/grey Spalding shorts

Wai~! With the impending holiday season amongst us, and the slew of oh-so-yummy gifts that I would appreciate, it was time for me to update my Wishlist. So for all of you that want to play Sugar Daddy (or Mommy, I won't be choosy!), you are more than welcome. And... *sidles up to you and tries to act all sexy-like* I would be most *throws hair back, but accidentally falls off the bed* *THUD!* ... grateful.

~A (He's everything you want)

{Moon Prism Power, Make-UP!}
07 October 2003 @ 5:48 PM

BGM: "Just Because" by Jane's Addiction
Wanting: some Starbucks
Wearing: grey plaid ON button-up shirt, black slacks

Work for the past two days has been ass. Luckily for myself, I've been keeping busy with drawing and making all sorts of purty pictures to while away the gruelling hours while I try to keep my head above the sea of ineptitude that is a good three-quarters of the calls I receive. But speaking of ass, I should probably post this while it's semi-relevant:

lust
Lust -- 'Nuff said.

Which of the Seven Deadly Sins Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

{Bow chika bow-wow!}

Anyway, it's raining again! I feel so happy and alive... and a little cold too. Yes, it's finally starting to feel like autumn here in this infernal desert, and the sudden lazy drizzle that we've had all day is only furthering that frosty feeling. But this is so fab, I feel like this rain is like some sort of cosmic sign saying, "Go Northwest, young man. To the land flowing of coffee and grunge music, there you will find the Promised Land." Oh, in the name of Kurt Cobain, how I wish that day was today. Though, my proclivities for such sempiternally gelid weather makes a for a certain interesting dischord with what I was presented with upon finishing this electronic reconnaissance:

HASH(0x8749b7c)
May

Which month are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

{Doth thou now see'est what I am now speaking?}

Okay, enough smart talk. I have something that made the past few days (cool raininess aside) seem all worth it... I have just found out that the first two seasons of Bishoujo Senshi (Pretty Soldier) Sailor Moon are now available on DVD in their full, uncut, and originally Japanese (with English subtitles) languaged glory! I almost died of shock/happiness. The downside? It's a whoppin' $150 per box set. With my current state of not-having-frivolous-cash-to-spend, I'm so not going to be able to afford that for a while. Looks like I'm going to have to start leaving some cookies (or maybe even cheese) for Santa NOW if I want to get them. Regardless if I do or not, it's still a nice thought to keep me entertained at night.

OH! And I almost totally forgot; this Saturday is OUToberFEST!!! *Flails limbs in bewilderment* Whoa, it's like ALREADY HERE! Damn, if only I had hit the gym before hand, then all of the superficial, image-is-everything, sex-crazed cock jockeys would probably notice me!

~A (When was the last time you did anything just for me, or anyone, just because?)

{There's no place like...}
06 October 2003 @ 12:03 AM

BGM: "Meditate" by INXS
Wanting: to relax
Wearing: dark grey ON ringer, royal blue Adidas shorts

So, so tired. I'm moved in (FINALLY!), with the exception of some random stuff of no real importance that I couldn't take with me from Matt's house.

Let's see, last night was dramatic. We were all gathered at Fiona's apartment to film a few scenes on the movie that Fox wrote, when at about 9:00-ish Dorian calls with an emergency. Seeing as Steve and I were the only real expendible ones, we went. Actually, Steve offered to go, and I was the only one that Dorian could reach, and had a car to help her out.

Anyway, as it turns out, she had taken her dog with her to work, and she had come down with something that freaked her out. At her request, we took Dorian's dog to the vet where they ran some tests to find out what the problem was. Despite the symptoms that she was showing, the vet said that there seemed to be nothing wrong with her. Though, they did send for a blood test to see if she might have Valley Fever or something.

From there, we returned Dorian her bank card that she let us borrow for the vet's bill, returned her dog home before we got back at our own homes. All of that lasted until about 3:00 in the morning.

Couple that with the fact that on both Friday and Saturday I had to wake up really early after long nights and that I was moving a lot of stuff today, one can easily see that my exhaustion is well-deserved. But Dorian actually pulled in a 48-hour shift this weekend at work, so I guess I've no cause for complain.

Still, I am rather finished. Well, must be off to bed to welcome my first day back to work living at my new old residence.

~A (Deliverate, fascinate, allieviate)