{And nothing else compares...}

{A part of the disease}
06 December 2003 @ 4:51 PM

BGM: Coldplay - "Clocks"
Wanting: nothing and everything all at once
Wearing: dark blue ON long-sleeved button-up, grey ON 'LA' shirt, olive green ON trek cargo pants

Warning: Seriously depressed entry

I feel ill. It feels like I�m constantly at odds with everything around me. The events of this past week have been all forgotten and I�ve moved beyond them. However, there seem to have arisen new things that seem to want to drain my soul of the happiness it so very much needs to survive.

Things at home seem to be like a train about to become derailed. My brother, whom I know is committed to his studies, seems to know nothing else beyond that and being out with his friends. That being said, he leaves a mess of unfinished responsibilities in his wake. In which there enters my ever-ailing grandmother who comes forth and takes completes what is undone. All the while I�m subjected to hear her chide my brother�s actions, or in this case, lack thereof.

She�s more than welcome to feel the way she does. Despite having surpassed the age of 60, she�s still doing as much work as a woman half her age is expected. If it weren�t for the persisting problems with money, I�d help her out, even in the smallest measure.

Sigh� as I listen to my online radio station, my beloved �Clocks� by Coldplay starts playing. As I listen to its haunting melody, I am reminded of how much I long to get the hell out of this oppressive prison of a town and move far away. Leave all this sorrow and disappointment and start anew in a cooler clime and a larger place where I can both have anonymity and have new people know me. The fact that I remain here is a continued humiliation and a mockery of fairness.

I need something else. Something more. Most of all, I need someone by my side that will help me in making it, for I will surely go mad if I try and take it all on by myself.

Artistic
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

{That of an artist... how fitting}

oregon
Oregon is a nice place, isn't it? Yes, it is. You
should live there. So should I. As of now
it's not crowded, but you never know. So
ummmm, ok...Oregon....yeah.

What State Is Perfect For You?
brought to you by Quizilla

{Close enough}

~A (Home� where I wanted to go)

{*insert Spanish expletative here*}
04 December 2003 @ 9:48 PM

BGM: Sae - "Kirai~! Sailor Dream"
Wanting: lurve
Wearing: same as earlier

Actually, before I leave for tonight, I'd just like to make a note about something that's been pretty prevalent in my vocabulary today.

Living with my mostly Spanish-speaking family has gotten me to dig up some expressions in my own vocabulary that I've either never used or have been lost to the flow of time.

Anyway, today was rather frustrating at work (which is all really moot right now), so after every exhasperation, I would utter, "�Que verga!". Literal translation, "WTF?" It's a very frustrated cry, so it was more than appropriate.

The bad news? It's probably permanently cemented itself into my isms-vocabulary.

~A (Seraa winguzu)

{Lurve; the new fragrance from Celine Dion}
04 December 2003 @ 9:29 PM

BGM: Fefe Dobson - "Take Me Away"
Wanting: a little lurve of my own
Wearing: midnight blue ON long-sleeved shirt, white t-shirt under, random khaki pants

I'm back. I'm renewed. I'm moving on. Though it is uncommon for me to lose a friend, I am not going to dwell on it as if everything is over. I can't, there is too much pressure riding on me to succeed at every single little damn thing that I'm tied up in to be broken over this. Not to say that I'm completely devoid of feeling, because I still am in mourning of the kaputness of the still-new Troika. Le sigh�

I�m going to take a break from this and let the remaining feelings of negativity waft out of here because I�m about to slip into some serious lightheartedness.

�

Ready? Okay!

So, I�m so totally excited! Though I may rebel against it at every chance I get, I�m so very pleased that I�m practically at the threshold of manhood. Why is that, you ask? I�m so glad that you�re all with me, as I will go to as much detail as I can to explain�

The other day as I was studying the visage that is the near-flawless, this-is-as-close-as-you�re-going-to-get-to-the-goddess-of-beauty-and-love reflection of me, I came upon the most wondrous sight, I finally grew a black hair just under my lower lip! *Throws confetti*

This may not be the most exciting news, but for someone who�s never gotten the opportunity to grow a proper goatee or even get the smallest smidgen of a chance to have a soul patch, the only better news would be if I found out Joaquin Phoenix wants me to star as his love interest in his next movie (and maybe in real life)!

Anyway, guess how I celebrated this joyous occasion today? By shaving it off. Though I was more than elated to have brand-new growth there that ISN�T your typical peach fuzz, I had to get rid of the little tyke. I mean, how else am I going to encourage more stubble to appear? Here's hoping that I soon have the facial-hair proweress of Brad Pitt!

So yeah, that�s my big news. Not all that big, even if I felt like I DID squeeze in as much overly-hyping detail into it.

Oh, and before I forget! After a night of hugs and puppies-typed fun, Steve and I got to the subject of Pok�mon (remember that?). Anyway, we both decided to recite the Team Rocket motto, mostly just to see how well we remembered it. I fudged a line a bit, but other than that, it was perfect! It was like 1998 all over again. He was Jessie, I was James. And just so that I can one day look back on this entry and shudder in embarrassment, I�m going to reprint the speech right here:

Jessie: Prepare for trouble
James: Make it double
Jessie: To protect the world from devastation
James: To unite all peoples within our nation
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love
James: To extend our reach to the stars above
Jessie: Jessie!
James: James!
Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light
James: Surrender now or prepare to fight
Meowth: Meowth! That�s right!

PS: According to my d-land Gold Member Stats, I�ve surpassed the 10,000 visitor mark on my good ol� blog! Celebration! I�m so happy!

Though, in reality a good chunk of them probably are from me, I�m much with the please-ed.

Well, that seems to be all for me this time. Until some later indeterminable time in the future!

~A (Let�s run away and I will steer into the sun)

{Betrayal}
02 December 2003 @ 5:24 PM

BGM: ---
Wanting: ---
Wearing: ---

I had a perfect entry all lined up... unfortunately as I was doing my rounds of checking my friends' diaries, I came across some the most shocking thing I could imagine. Apparently, due in part by me and other people in our circle, we did something to horribly wrong our beloved companion.

Personally, I'm so tragically hurt by it. I can't fathom what I did to betray this trust that I was under the impression that I held so dearly. Quite frankly, I'm too afraid of the confrontation to try and get to the bottom of this.

I have that horrid cold feeling in the pit of my stomach that only seems to come with the feeling of heartache. I think this is what I'm feeling.

To my friend, you know who you are, if you're reading this, I'm so perfectly sorry. I wish I could know what I did so that I could own up to it, but I don't and if you'd rather be left alone then I won't bother you. But I really do hope you belive me when I say that whatever it was, it was not certainly not intentional.

I'm sorry...

{And in this moment I am happy}
30 November 2003 @ 10:01 PM

BGM: Incubus - "Wish You Were Here"
Wanting: this happiness that I'm feeling to last longer than usual
Wearing: same as yesterday (hey, they're still clean!)

Okay, so this is kinda messed up right here. Here I've been sitting at this computer for about two hours, and though I've written a short "Yay Arizona!" entry, I don't have much else to talk about.

My theory on that is probably due to the fact that I'm in a relatively good mood. It seems to make sense; a lot of my other entries seem to be typed in under the guise of some negative emotion; mostly melancholy as of late. Now comes a moment when I'm not feeling at all perturbed at anything and nothing will come forth.

Well, there is ONE thing... As per my Sunday usual, I went to my usual Pretty Guardian Sailormoon sites (Genvid, The Sailor Senshi page and The Princess of the White Moon Kingdom) to look at summaries and watch weekly clips, but the last one there wasn't working! I need my PGSM fix! I need to see cute Japanese schoolgirls fighting evil in campy outfits! I need the peppy, poppy J-Pop music that is oh-so-prevalent throughout the show!

Eh... whatever, I'm hoping that all it is is just the sitemaster working on it. *Crosses fingers in desperate anticipation*

As for me, I'm going home and dream about he who loves me. And try to block out what my friends had said yesterday about how good the ex looks.

~A (Endlessly)