{And nothing else compares...}

{Oshiyokyo!}
30 January 2004 @ 6:30 PM

BGM: No Doubt - "Simple Kind of Life"
Wanting: excitement
Wearing: midnight blue/white long-sleeved ON baseball t-shirt, blue ON Painter's pants

So I just spent a good part of my waking hours today doing various houseworks. Most of it had to do with laundry (washing, folding, ironing *ick!*). My dad was working on my Mina's front brakes, so I was litterally without a way out even if I wanted to. I finally got a chance to get out only about an hour and a half ago. I'm seriously hoping that something constructive to do will come up.

Nothing else much to say, I was really just looking for an excuse to post this beaut:

{Cuz I rock!}

~A (Not only in love, I was obsessed)

{Dancing with myself (a Random Thoughts entry)}
30 January 2004 @ 1:10 AM

BGM: ATB - "Don't Stop"
Wanting: those million dollars sure could come in handy right about now
Wearing: same as earlier

The rational side to my apparently multi-faceted personality (whom I shall refer to as "Fred" for the remainder of this entry) is telling me that I shouldn't make such a stink about my less than fresh days. Though I feel that they do seem to happen to me more than I deem fair, they'll continue to do so regardless of what I do. Taking that into consideration, Fred's telling me that I should just chill and watch the orange (or is it amber?) glow of everything around me and just coast with it until it subsides. Because we all know that good times will also be right around the bend sandwiched in between it all.

So I almost got some the other night! ALMOST being the operative word here. There's this guy at work who I've known for a while (who shall go by "Jay" for the sake of clarity). Actually, since our type of work has us speaking in great length to a bunch of faceless people clear across the country, our mode of talking to each other is by passing notes back and forth. Most of it being just idle gossip and swooning over the guys that we find hot. Not the most sophisticated conversations, I'll grant you, but it serves our purposes of keeping our sanity just fine. Anyway, we were talking about this guy who though is das �ber-hot, is a big steroid freak and has nothing more to contribute to humanity than his sexy body. At which, I suggested to Jay that Mr. Steroid should stop teasing and give us a show already.

Shortly thereafter, Jay suggested to me that we should get together and hang out. Not completely out of left field. He did however; say that we should do so that same night because his husband wasn't there and nobody would have to know and that I should give him a show.

*Record scratch*

Did I just read that right? I had to go over that part a few times, during which my hands got really cold and I started trembling. Am I dreaming or did Jay just suggest we do the dew? Apparently, he's found me either a) convenient enough or b) attractive enough to want to do. For the sake of my ego, I'll go with the latter. And though he's nothing at all like my type (he's hella fey), as long as I was being propositioned, nothing else mattered.

Of course, that made me all anxious and unable to concentrate for the rest of the day (at the time that he suggested it, I still had a grueling six hours to go in my shift). Finally, once that exercise in needless waiting was over, I called Jay and see if he would still feel up for it. Much to my displeasure, he wouldn't answer his phone and it would be just this side of desperate of me to just show up unannounced at his doorstep. So I did the next best thing; left a pleading voicemail telling him to call me the funk back.

As I found out the next day at work, he had a night out with friends and passed out drunk or whatever. I didn't say anything to him about it then, but I'll make sure to make it known to him that he owes me. One shouldn't be making empty promises involving sex if they don't intend to follow through, especially not if I'm involved. Not that I'm against flirting, mind you, but being in my current delicate state of lovin'-deprived, it's just cruel to get my hopes up like that.

What else? Oh yeah, so today I woke up totally late for work. The way it works is this, since moving in with us, my dad has commandeered my alarm clock, without asking me. Rather than just play whiny beeotch, I decide to make use of my cell phone�s alarm. It works out rather well too; I don�t have to go far to turn it off and the tone is a lot more pleasant sounding than my clock. So, given the ease of my reaching over and just flipping my phone open to turn it off, I awoke at 6:00 this morning, reset it for 6:30 and turned it off again and laid back down. By the time I regained consciousness, it was about 7:10. It was only then that I pulled an Usagi and started wailing and running around to get ready to be out the door so I wouldn�t be late again. My morning routine is so damned airtight that there is no room for the unforeseeable; I HAVE to be out the door at least half an hour before I�m supposed to clock in or else everything will fall apart. That said, the usual morning shower was entirely out of the question. I'd have to make due with washing my face, brushing my teeth and gelling/tying my frizzed hair back.

So I had to suffer yesterday (Thursday) with itchy scalp and feeling several tiers below zestfully clean.

Luckily I made up for it when I got home. I took a long, luxurious shower, wrapped a towel around my head (cuz it retains the moisture and makes my hair feel all soft and fluffy), and took a two hour nap, having fallen asleep reading. It was pure, liquid nirvana, let me tell you.

So yeah, that leads me to now. My long-awaited three-day weekend begins and I�m so excited, Fred and I plan to kick it old school. OH! Also, my new schedule starts on Monday! I can seriously hardly contain myself!

Yay yay! Clap clap! Bash bash! Sooka sooka! Meep meep! Boing!

Okay, I�m done.

No, wait, I'm not. If anyone out there still reads this (cuz I've pretty much given up on the idea that I'm writing to anyone but myself), could y'all do me a lil ol' favor and sign my guestbook? No, it's not a blatant plea for attention, but instead to see if my guestbook even still works. I haven't gotten anything new for like a MONTH and I'm starting to wonder if it's broken... okay, so maybe it IS a plea for attention, but it doesn't mean that the other part isn't true! Arigato gozaimas!

~A (It's the real sound)

{Friday 5 - 30 Jan. '04}
30 January 2004 @ 12:00 AM

BGM: Laura Branigan - "Self Control"
Wanting: to win the lottery
Wearing: midnight blue/grey ON hooded pullover, black AZ Jean Co. carpenter pants

Real update coming.

You have just won one million dollars:

1. Who do you call first?
Probably Matt, he's the first on my speed dial.

2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
A really nice apartment in a good part of town (who said it had to be in Tucson?)

3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?
I'd pay off my grandma's bills.

4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?
Probably to my needy friends.

5. Do you invest any? If so, how?
Pfft! It's ONLY a million, it's all being invested towards my happiness.

~A (Bigmouth strikes again)

{It never ends}
28 January 2004 @ 11:20 PM

BGM: The Motels - "Annie Told Me"
Wanting: for it to end
Wearing: midnight blue, grey ON hooded pullover, oatmeal-colored pants of unknown brand (my brother's)

I KNEW IT!

I just f-ing knew it!!! Right when I thought that I could smoothly transition from dangerously overly sugary good mood into mere complacency, it hits. Like a ton of Anna Nicole Smiths it all comes crashing down upon my prematurely whiting head.

Last night, dearest Miranda, along with Alison, Matt, Steve and I traversed up Mt. Lemmon to frolic in the fresh-fallen, yet already nearly all the way melted snow that dusted the higher elevations the night before. The way up we all bonded. Alison is so fun! Her sarcasm is more biting than mine is and her penchant for Sailor Moon made for deliciously flowing conversation with Steve and me. Once we made it to where the snow was, we exited the car and commenced to frolic as if we have never seen the light.

It was during this moment of unchecked euphoria that I lost the most precious thing on my body (tee-hee): this silver ring that my grandmother had given me! It�s a band with the words �LOVE,� �HOPE,� and �FAITH� embossed on them. That temporary killed the mood as everyone helped me search for it. After a while, they gave up and went back to their own amusement. Needless to say, I was most displeased. The token memento that served as a symbol of the most important woman in my life right now and I lose it! It didn�t entirely ruin my night, but it sure did it�s job and dampened it. I swear, as soon as I get the internet to work for me the way it should, I�m going to find a place to rent a metal detector and get the back up to that whore of a mountain and retrieve my ring! I will not bend over backwards and let nature treat me like it�s bitch.

Also, today I discover a letter from my dentist. As I open it, I immediately notice the heart attack-inducing figure of $340 on it! WTF?!! As is commonly known, I�ve been to the dentist twice within the last six months; for a cleaning and having two teeth filled. Well, I do need to get two more done in March, but at this point it looks like I�m going to have to suffer, there is absolutely no way that I can pay that. Also, it seems like my damnable insurance company couldn�t be reached to get my payment scored away. I�m so enraged by that. It�s like, it won�t even matter to them if I can pay or not, it�s my experience that they don�t care. All that matters to them is money.

This is so incredibly frustrating. Why can�t I catch a break? This is why I�ve stopped believing in the Christian god. Because I can�t wrap my head around the thought that such a being would torture his followers and promising �remuneration� in the next life. It�s like, why not now? It would be much more convenient to have some slack in THIS life, because we�re here NOW.

Okay� I�m not going to into it. Instead of cursing my loved ones who believe in spite of it all, I�ll just focus all of my energies on relying on myself, that way, I can�t blame others for things not turning out the way I would�ve liked.

I�m really tired. I need sleep. Relief in the form a three day weekend and a new schedule loom on the horizon and I�ll sleep all day after work tomorrow because not only is my body tired, but my soul feels strained as well.

~A (Annie told me it's alright)

{But the second hand will always catch us}
26 January 2004 @ 12:46 AM

BGM: Story of the Year - "Until the Day I Die"
Wanting: snow!!!
Wearing: midnight blue ON hooded pullover, denim ON jeans

Just to update, my disposition as reported a few days back isn't just a fluke, or gas either. I'm geniunely not depressed right now! I'm so happy for that!

Though I am becoming more conscious about my looming financial crash, especially now with the advent of the return to the house on Milu street, and I am taking steps (in my head at least) to assure that such a thing doesn't happen.

Ooh! And the coldness that we've been experiencing here is just so delightful! There's actually snow up on Mt. Lemmon, there's condensation everywhere and there's even frost on the grass in the mornings! I love that because it reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to think that I could ice skate by dragging my feet along it. Ahh... fond childhood memories.

I spent the night at Matt's on Friday. We stayed up until three, talking (mostly me) and knitting (mostly - actually just him). I must say that I opened up to him like no one ever before (except maybe Alex and Daniel). I let forth run my pained waters of my family and everything in relation to it. It was very therapeutic and I've never felt a stronger connection with this man.

The next day we spent the day at The Muse with his roommate and the male drag troupe Boys R Us. They were performing three shows at this event called the Fetish Ball. From what I understood, I had to be in some kinda appropriate gear. Since I guess that my Old Navy fetish wouldn't fly, I pulled my Halloween costume out (my gothic schoolboy outfit); a little out of place amongst all the leather, chainmail and corsets, but still welcome nonetheless.

Anyway, at the last moment, I was recruited to be Boys R Us' sound and light guy. Nerve racking ensued. Despite it all, I managed to do a job that I thought was decent. However, I did futz up once when I tried to cue up a song. I apologized profusely afterwards, but they swore it was okay. They even went as far as making me an honorary member! Yay!

The only time my mood dipped into abysmal is when we were leaving. There was this way hot guy from this BDSM booth who was wearing a sleeveless mesh shirt and leather hotpants who I was exchanging glances with all day. Well, when the time came to go, I didn't even get a chance to talk to him or even give him a goodbye glance. I felt totally shitty.

Ah... but C'est la vie. I'm alive and I don't feel like killing something, so I guess that's gotta count for something, right?

~A (Mistakes like friends do)